


All Good Things Must

by burning_nova



Series: Kinkmeme Fills [10]
Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Angst, Infidelity, M/M, Prompt Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-27
Updated: 2013-11-09
Packaged: 2017-11-27 02:32:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 23,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/657089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/burning_nova/pseuds/burning_nova
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clint wasn't sure when it had changed. When Phil and Clint had become Phil and Steve.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. All That Is Broken

**Author's Note:**

> Based on prompt found here on avengerkink: http://avengerkink.livejournal.com/10266.html?thread=23244826#t23244826

The apartment is quite and dark.  The sound of the neighbors and bustle of traffic from the street far below fill the room in a soft din. He twirls the rose stem in absentmindedly. His fingers feel sticky. He’s crushed the petals without really meaning too.

He sweeps up the petals and throws them out with the stem. In three minutes his fourth anniversary will have ended. His tuxedo has long since become uncomfortable. The velvet box in his pocket feels heavy.

Tonight should have passed at Phil’s favorite restaurant.  Dinner would have been delicious, even if Clint felt uncomfortable in such a high-class place.  He had done everything to make sure their reservation was still good when it reopened.

He doesn’t think he cares anymore but that’s a bold faced lie. He goes into their bedroom.  He undresses, packs the tuxedo in its garment bag, and places his shoes back in their place. The rings stay in the tuxedo.

He changes, brushes his teeth, and goes to bed. It doesn’t smell like Phil anymore. Phil hardly spends the night anymore. He tries to sleep but can’t. He grabs a few of the pills the doctors prescribed him. Maybe they’ll work, maybe not.

He wants to shout. He’s done everything right. He’s tried. It just isn’t enough. It really isn’t fair. He thinks. How is he supposed to compete against Captain America? Against Steve fucking Rogers?

He feels like he wants to cry but no tears fall. He hasn’t cried in years, not since he was a child. He falls asleep.

When he wakes up he finds signs that Phil’s been there. There is clothing in the hamper, another suit is gone and the bathroom is still steamy. Phil is not in the apartment. He looks over at the other side of the bed. It’s undisturbed. He gets up, dresses, and goes to work.

He sees Phil once when he drops off paperwork. Steve is predictably in the office, smiling at him. It’s a polite smile. They’re talking about dinner; they have plans for after Phil’s PT.

He grimaces as he recalls his attempts at helping Phil with his physio.  He had tried joining him but Phil had turned to Steve for support, for help.  Only one other person was allowed to be with Phil.

He’d appeared up earlier than Steve, but Phil snapped at him whenever the session was over.  

“Agent Barton.” The doctor had spoken with him after the second session. “I know you are trying to help but perhaps it’s best to let Captain Rogers assist Agent Coulson? There is a remarkable difference in the sessions when he is present and he is able to assist Agent Coulson more easily than you. Are you even supposed to be exerting yourself yet?” He asked addressing the healing wounds on his arms.

“Of course, I understand.” Clint had replied. It made sense, really. Steve could help Phil better than him.  He was stronger.  It hadn’t made him worry.  Phil was in a bad mood from pain and exhaustion; he never liked looking weak, human. 

After the physical therapy he tried to make it up to Phil by offering to take him out to dinner. Phil looked surprised. “I have plans, Clint. You should have asked me earlier.” He replied annoyed, pain and frustration evident in his voice. “You have access to my calendar. Use some of those skills, agent.” He snapped.  It had left him reeling.

He didn’t have access to Phil’s calendar. S.H.I.E.L.D.’s psychology department had to make sure everything was gone; everything was back to normal in his head. His clearance and security codes were severely limited.  It wasn’t possible to see Coulson’s calendar with his security level. He wasn’t going to aggravate things by breaking them or asking Natasha to divulge the information. Phil should have known that.

He had blamed the stress, pain, and exhaustion on Phil’s face. Phil went out to the movies with Steve that evening. They saw a movie he had wanted to see before the attack that was still miraculously playing. When he came back home Phil pushed him away when he tried to kiss him goodnight.

“God, Clint. Haven’t you done enough today?” He groused before slipping into their bed with a tired groan. Clint felt guilty. Phil was tired; Phil was still in pain. He knew how much recovery was a bitch.

He wasn’t stupid, while Loki might have messed things up a bit with him that really didn't make it an excuse. He hadn’t suffered permanent neurological changes and all he had was a few injuries that were almost healed. He had to stop thinking about himself and get back to what Phil needed.

The next morning he made breakfast before Phil woke up. Phil came out and gave him a surprised smile. He kissed him and apologized for his attitude yesterday.

“No, it’s fine, Phil.” He had replied. “Remember how I was after Belize?” He asked. Phil smiled at him and frowned when he looked at the food. “Clint, I can’t eat this.”

“You can’t?”

“No, my diet…Didn’t you see what the doctor wrote?” He asked annoyed.

“You never showed me anything, Phil.”

“Of course I did. It was at – No, that was Steve. I’m sorry. He must still have it. I’ll bring it back tonight. Thank you, though.” Clint smiled in understanding. Of course Phil would show Steve, he was helping him out in his sessions. Things had seemed fine.

Between the follow-ups, mandatory psych evals, and training sessions with the Avengers on top of his normal duties Clint isn’t surprised to find Phil has made friends with Steve. He thinks the help in the physical therapy sessions came as part of the friendship. Much like him and Natasha had helped each other out when they needed someone.

He expected things to go back to normal when he finally is cleared for full duty.

By then Phil can talk about nothing but Steve. Movies, sports, and art…the list goes on and on. Clint wonders when Phil had time for any of this or if he did it while Clint was occupied. He really hadn’t found it odd. Phil was such a big fan.

It was because of that that he found himself rather shocked when Phil turned him down for a date. He had checked Phil’s calendar and had seen nothing there. He had made sure to check twice that very day.

“I have plans with Steve.” Phil explained. “We’re going to the Museum of Natural History, it finally reopened.” Clint nodded. That made sense, they had been going to a lot of museums lately, Steve and Phil that is. “You want to come? I’m sure Steve won’t mind.” Phil added a moment later when Clint didn’t say anything, all while implying Steve would.

It didn’t sound like Phil wanted him to come but Clint didn’t know the difference between a homo erectus from a homo…something. “No, it’s fine. Rain check?”

Phil smiled at him, relieved almost. “Yes.” He kissed him. “I’ll let you know when I’m free next.” He promised.

He had but Clint was sent to Spain with another handler. Steve and him went to dinner and a movie; he found this out from Natasha. Phil hadn’t said anything. Whenever he tried to schedule a date Phil already seemed to have plans in place with Steve.

Clint stopped asking.

Four months after the attack on New York Stark finished the repairs on his tower and invited everyone to come live with him. Or rather in his Tower which apparently had many residential suites on its floors. Clint declined; he had a home. He kept a few extra changes of clothes at Nat’s place though for downtime or sleepovers. (Natasha had punched him playfully in the arm when he had made that joke; apparently it was less funny than he thought.)

Steve had accepted and moved in the Tower. He had a guest room. Phil still wasn’t fully recovered by then, he still got tired easily so he stayed the night. Sometimes he lost track of time. Phil he had told him this. Clint had believed him.

Six months after the attack Phil stays five nights a week in the Tower.

Seven months later Phil called Steve’s name while fucking him. Twice. He hadn’t noticed. Clint was louder. Phil still called him Steve. Clint tried harder.

Eight months later, Phil had missed their anniversary.

“So, when do you think Cap’s going to ask Phil to move in?” Tony asked during a team bonding session nearly a week afterwards. “He practically lives here now.” He took a swig of his beer. “I’m thinking of charging Steve rates for double occupancy. Phil is not on the lease.” He complained.

Bruce snorted. “You don’t charge us rent.” he took a sip of his tea.

“Not that you know of.” Stark retorted seriously. “You’re credit’s being ruined as we speak.” Bruce smiled.

“It is good that Steven and Phillip have found company in each other.” Thor added. “I am happy at this turn of events. It is not merely tragedy that has sprung from my brother’s attacks.”

“Yeah. I mean this is their what date?”

“They’re not dating.” Natasha said simply glancing at Clint who was nursing his beer.

“Not that they know of.” Tony said. “But they live together, go out together, eat together. There isn’t anything they don’t do that isn’t couple-y. It’s sickening.”

“They don’t sleep together.” Natasha said.

“Yet.” Bruce said in a sure tone. “I mean they missed tonight for a date. I don’t even think they remembered about tonight.”

“What do you think Clint?” Tony asked.

Clint put down his beer. “I’m going to the restroom.” He said. He went in the restroom. He felt sick. He threw up the beer.

He couldn’t lie to himself any longer, not with the team all but declaring their support for Phil and Steve in front of him.

There was no more Phil and Clint. It felt like his heart was on fire. He didn’t cry. He went to the sink, washed his hands and looked at his reflection. Captain Fucking America. He couldn’t compete.

He couldn’t return the rings.

He didn’t know when he smashed the mirror. He heard running coming toward him and banging on the door.

“Clint! Are you okay? What is going on in there?” Tony called. He heard Natasha start to pick the lock.


	2. All That We Knew

“Clint!” Tony called again. He realized he hadn’t said anything. Natasha opened the door. She took one look at him and lunged for the towel. “Jesus.” Tony breathed.

“No, just me.” Clint replied smiling wryly. Natasha wrapped his hands in the towel. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to do that. It just sort of happened” he said as Natasha dragged him from the bathroom. Bruce was ready with the first aid kit. Thor looked at him blankly. Stark followed them.

He hissed as the peroxide came into contact with his wounds. Thankfully the glass just shattered and hadn’t embedded into his skin. He hated that. Natasha glanced at him in concern.

“Why did you feel you needed to smash my mirror, Barton?” Tony asked in a faux offended tone, Clint caught the undercurrent of unease.

“You know, just realized my boyfriend is cheating on me.”

“Boyfriend- you mean Phil?”

“Yeah. That is unless Phil and Steve are the same person.” An uncomfortable silence descended over the group. Bruce said nothing as he finished bandaging his hands. Natasha returned the towel to the bathroom.

“I swear on my honor, Clinton, that I did not know about you and Phillip. I would never have supported his behavior with Steven otherwise.” Thor said solemnly. Clint smiled a little at him.

“Neither would I.” said Bruce.

“Are they really cheating?” Natasha asked. “They’re not sleeping with each other or doing anything else.” Clint gave her a small smile. It didn’t sound like she believe it but she still was looking out for him. Looking for an alternative.

“They’re definitely dating.” Bruce replied tersely. His good humor was gone. “They may not be fucking but they’re almost there. I think that qualifies as cheating.” His eyes did not flash green but Bruce looked angry.

“I think this is what people call ‘emotional cheating’ only it’s really not just emotional by now.” Tony said simply. “For what it’s worth, Phil’s an idiot for letting you go.” He told Clint. “I didn’t know either, I swear.”

“That’s good. That’s about the only good thing about this.” He said and took back his hands. He winced when he moved them. This was going to hurt like a bitch for a few days. “Do you think Steve knows?”

“He has to.” Tony replied. “I mean…It wouldn’t make sense if he didn’t.”

“You guys didn’t know we were together. What’s to say that Steve is any different?” Clint replied and closed his eyes. “I don’t know what to do.” He said aloud.

“Stay here.” Tony said. Then he frowned. “No that’s an awful idea. Let me kick Steve out, then you can stay.”

“No.” Clint replied. He looked at Natasha. “Need a roommate?”

“No.” Natasha said. “But I’ll let you stay. Sleepover.” She said seriously. Clint smiled, this time really amused. At least someone actually remembered something he did. He felt a surge of anger. Their fucking anniversary.

“You know what? Fuck that. I’m kicking Phil out.” he replied. As much as it hurt he couldn’t let it drag him down. He faced worse. At least Phil hadn’t tried to kill him. He didn’t know if that would have been better or worse because it still felt like his chest was full of cotton and it just _hurt_. He thought he had found his happily however-long-they-lived after. “Can I even do that?” Clint muttered.

“Why couldn’t you?” Bruce asked.

“I’m not on the lease or anything really. Everything is in Phil’s name.” Clint said. “Never mind, forget I said anything.” Clint said feeling his face heating.

“It is your home.” Thor said.

“I’ll get Pepper on it.” Tony said.

“No.” Clint replied firmly. “I’ll just stay here.”

“He’s already living here.” Tony argued. “Just stay there. It’s your space. _Coulson_ can have S.H.I.E.L.D. sanctioned space when I find a way to kick him out of my tower.”

“This is not our fight.” Natasha broke in suddenly. “As much as we want to help. We do not have all the facts. We are working off incomplete information.”

“Do you doubt that Phillip has not betrayed Clinton? For before me stands a man, not broken, but wounded by the one whom he believed closest. Perhaps we do not know it all but I will stand by my friend.” Thor’s face turned grim. “If any are at fault it is Phillip for his actions. However, if Steven knowingly betrayed his shield-brother I will not follow him as our leader into battle.”

“You serious?” Clint asked. “I shouldn’t have said anything. I don’t want to break the Avengers up because of this or cause a divide. I’ll talk to Phil. Just forget it.”

“This does affect us though.” Tony said. “You’re our friends, not just our coworkers.” He said firmly.

“Then let me talk to him alone at least. Then we’ll see if I need your help kicking Phil out.” He said with a tight smile. Tony nodded.

“Kicking me out of where?” Phil’s voice came suddenly from the elevator. He sounded confused. Clint felt like his heart was going to jump out of his chest. Phil entered the common room; Steve was following behind him.

Phil stopped when he saw Clint’s hand. “What happened?” he demanded. He started moving toward him but Thor and Tony intercepted him. Thor glowered and Tony sent him his “Fuck you Justin Hammer” glare.

“What’s going on?” Steve asked. Clint wished he hadn’t smashed the mirror. These were the kinds of conversation you were supposed to hold in private, not between in the common room surrounded by conflicted friends. Because one of them had to be wondering what Clint had to offer Phil that Steve couldn’t.

The real issue was that Phil hadn’t broken up with him like a decent man.  Wasn’t that a punch to the gut?  If this between them had just been the ghost of an old relationship then it would have been fine (not fine but acceptable).

“Like you don’t know.” Tony snapped. If Phil had just told him Clint would have been the ex who couldn’t let go.  Maybe they could have worked through it but that time had long since left port.

“Tony.” Bruce reprimanded.

“Well one of you knows.” Tony insisted, glaring at Phil. Clint glanced at Phil who looked surprised and confused. Phil had to know. He thought. It was ridiculous but he had to know what he and Steve were doing, what he was doing to him. Then he saw it, a flash of guilt.

Clint felt sick. He shouldn’t have smashed the mirror. Then he could have gone back to pretending.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Phil said blandly. He looked at Clint with such remorse in his eyes. 

“Really? Because everyone seems to think you and Steve are dating.” Natasha said icily. “I’m pretty sure your anniversary with Clint just passed.” she snarled. Steve’s eyes widened.

“What?” Steve asked this time sounding honestly flabbergasted.  He didn’t know. He didn’t know. He didn’t know.

Clint looked at Phil who was licking his lips. A nervous tell. He looked at Steve then back at Phil. “It’s not…this isn’t something I want to talk about with all of you here.” Phil said in his Agent voice. Steve shifted. His body tensed.

Did he? Clint thought. He looked ready to run. He couldn’t trust himself. He hadn’t since Loki. He felt a rush of anger. Phil should have been there for him but it had just been Steve. He shook his head _._

“He’s right.” He said instead of yelling _Why didn’t you come to me?_ like he wanted to. “We need to talk. Just not here.”

“At home.” Phil said.

“No.” Clint replied. He outstretched an open hand to Phil. His space, Tony was right. The apartment was now his space. It had been for a while. “Give me the keys Phil.”

“What?”

“Give me your keys.” He said stubbornly. “You know why.” Phil glanced at him, the others, and then Steve. Steve just glanced at him then Phil. Clint couldn’t read Phil. He realized. He couldn’t read Phil.

But Steve, Steve could because his stance relaxed by a fraction. He would have missed it if he didn't have the best eyes in S.H.I.E.L.D. Phil gave him his keys.

“I’ll call you.” Phil said and he slowly left.

Steve paused. “Clint, I- Nevermind.” He mumbled and followed Phil out of the room. Clint didn’t know what that meant. He didn’t know if Steve had known.

The others shifted around him uncomfortably. He had done it. This was supposed to be a good thing. It didn’t feel like victory. He gently slipped the key into his pocket, hissing when he moved his hands wrong.

Regret gnawed at him. There was also relief intermixed with it.  


	3. All I Wanted Then

Natasha glared at Clint as he vacillated between packing Phil’s suits like they were from the Men’s Warehouse to gently hanging them in the wardrobe moving box. Finally, he moved them into the box. The shirts and ties he treated like trash, throwing them in with Phil’s college books without a care.

Clint had wanted to burn Phil’s Captain America collection but he wasn’t that much of an asshole. Instead he had packed them neatly into boxes and sealed them shut. He resisted the urge to label them something like Fucker Collection. Nothing clever but he wanted to hurt Phil, he wanted to write worse. His fist had turned while from rage and restraint while holding the pen.

Natasha had hovered nearby, unsure how to help him. She took the pen when he vaguely passed it on to her. She stopped him from destroying Phil's (new set) of mint condition cards, signed by Captain Prick himself. She had stopped him from ripping them apart.

He threw them in the box. They spent half a day cleaning the apartment. Half a day is all it took. Five boxes, mostly clothes. That was all that was left of Phil's things. When they had moved in they had needed to rent a small truck, Clint had had very little. Now he had too much.

It was really the small things that got to him. He didn’t care about the furniture. Neither did Phil apparently.

Phil still hadn’t called him. Steve had attempted to twice but Clint couldn’t bring himself to answer. When Natasha left Clint was alone in an empty apartment.

It felt just like when they had moved in. A place not theirs but it would be, now it was his own but it didn't feel like it. They hadn’t bought that much furniture. Their tastes clashed in a lot of areas. Slowly they had furnished the apartment until it felt like a home. There had been a lot of compromises. He stared at the armchair that he hated; it was an awful shade of puce.

He had made fun of Phil for buying it. He sat down in it. It was very comfortable. It really was his chair, not Phil's. He remembered the fond smile Phil would give him when he would come from the kitchen to watch TV, only to find Clint in his chair.

He shut off the lights in the living room and headed to his room. He didn’t feel like doing anything and he hated himself for moping. He couldn’t bring himself to do anything else.

He lied down on the bed; it smelled like detergent. He looked at the phone. Still no calls from Phil. There was one text from Tony.

_You want to meet us for pizza tomorrow?_

“God no.” He muttered aloud as he sent his reply. He just wanted to be alone. Was that irony? He could never figure that shit out either.

Tony did not text back. That didn’t mean much; he could be busy with work or science shit or just bugging Pepper.

He connected his phone to the charger, put on his alarm, and closed his eyes.

He woke up to his phone ringing. He sprang up. _Phil_. He lunged for it and answered.

“Hello?” He called. His heart was pounding in his chest. “Phil?” He wasn’t ready to have this conversation he realized. He heard an intake of breath.

“No.” Steve’s answered on the other side. “I…Phil’s asleep.”

“What do you want, Steve?” Clint replied. It felt like he was staring down a scope waiting for his target without his handler or backup.

“I wanted to talk to you but you weren’t answering my calls.” He sounded chagrined.

“So you thought you'd use Coulson’s phone?” He snapped.

“Look, I’m sorry but you weren’t answering my calls.” Steve repeated and this time he seemed on about as equal footing as him from his tone. “I need to talk to you.” He then added hastily. “Please.”

“What do you want to talk about? You have five seconds before I hang up.” Clint snarled.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen!” Steve said quickly into the receiver. “It wasn’t supposed to even go this way.”

“You knew.” Clint said, disbelieving.

“No.” Steven said then paused. “Not at first. I mean, I suspected but I never asked. I didn’t…I didn’t want to ruin what we…have.” Steve said.

“When did you find out?”

“A few months ago. We kissed. He stopped but didn’t say anything. He didn’t out right say it. I tried looking into it but stopped when he asked me to.” He gave a dry laugh. “I didn’t know it was you.” He swallowed. “I didn’t want to know who it was.”

“You didn’t want to know or you didn’t want to think about it?” Clint said. “What do you think I was doing with him in PT or trying to schedule things with him? Why do you think I was always around?”

“I thought it was like the situation with Natasha. She’s just his friend.”

“Well I wasn’t.” He said, feeling raw. He felt flush in the face and wondered where all his training had gone. If this had been an enemy situation he would have failed the mission a long time ago. “Either that or someone else is keeping a secret from me too.”

“I wasn’t supposed to go that way.” Steve repeated, sounding so goddamn _young_.

“Then how was it supposed to go? What did you expect Rogers?” Clint snarled anger and hurt bubbling to the surface. A few months ago Phil had called him _Steve_. Clint had allowed himself to hope for the briefest of moments that things were going back to normal because Phil had wanted him. He tasted bile on his tongue.

“You ruined one of the few good things in my life.”

“We were supposed to be friends!” Steve countered. “It-we were just friends. Things just got out of control. I wanted to learn about this century.” He said sounding frantic. “He was my friend and when it changed, I didn’t stop it. I didn’t want to lose one more thing in my life.”

“You think that gives you any kind of excuse, Cap? Your sob story is just as bad as the rest of ours but I’m not using mine to fuck up someone's life. You want me to give you a list of what I lost? You want to get into a dick measuring contest with me?” He almost shouted into the receiver.

“It’s not like that!” Steve replied. “You’re taking this out of context. You’re deliberately misunderstanding me.”

“Well that’s what it sounds like! You’re making excuses.” He snapped then said bitterly: “You’re a coward, Cap.”

“Maybe but so are you.” He swallowed. “I…Clint please, believe me.” He stopped. “I’m sorry.”

A picture of what Steve might have looked like at the moment came to his mind.

“God, you’re just a kid.” He said. “You’ve seen war but in some ways you’re just a dumb kid.” He sighed. “I don’t know who I’m trying to convince, me or you.”

“What do you mean?”

“You know right and wrong, Cap. You’re old enough to know better. I robbed someone when I was sixteen and eighteen, both times I knew it was wrong but I still went through with it.”

“This is nothing like that.” Steve said voice harsh with anger. “We all made our choices.”

“So you’re blaming me? It’s my fault Phil cheated on me?”

“No, but I didn’t act alone.” Steve groused. “I didn’t make this happen all on my own.”

“No, you’re right.” Clint said through gritted teeth. He refused to fall into whatever bait Steve placed for him. He probably had a line of attack already set out to make if feel like Clint was the one at fault, he left Phil or something. Maybe Steve didn't even know he was doing it. Maybe he did. “But I sure as hell didn’t just let him go.”

“Don’t try to turn this on me Clint.  This-we-you…” He let out a frustrated growl. “I…he still loves you.” It felt like Steve had punched him in the gut.

“What?”

“He still loves you. I can tell.” Clint laughed. “Clint?”

“You got it wrong, Cap because if he loved me he wouldn’t have left or he would have told me.” He hung up.

What a mess.

He sent a text to Natasha.

Steve did not call again.

_Thor just punched Steve in the face. His nose is broken. Bruce is taping it up but he’s not being too nice about it. No sign of Coulson._

Clint didn’t feel any better. He shifted in his bed. He couldn’t go back to sleep.


	4. All The Kings Men

_What are you doing?_

Clint looked at his phone and deleted the text. He didn’t want to send it knowing that Steve might be the one to reply or see it. Hell, he didn’t know if he wanted to talk to Phil anymore. He knew he had to, but after Steve whatever winds had been in his sails were just gone. He just felt tired.

He rubbed his face.  He had to fix this and get it over with. They couldn’t let it just dangle. It was fucking up everything.

Maybe if they hadn’t been S.H.I.EL.D. or Avengers they could leave it hanging and open, a festering wound just left to rot, but nothing in his life was ever so simple.  He should just let Phil go but he didn’t want to. God help him (and he didn’t mean Thor), he didn’t and if that made him a fool then so be it.

Phil had been one of the better things in his life, made him happy, and had given him a home that he hadn’t had in a long time. Phi, Phil, Phil. All of this was about Phil.

He put down his phone and suited up in training gear. If this were a television program there would be someone by his side guiding him through and kicking Phil’s ass. Then everything would be resolved in a nice bow-tied way. He would find love or get back together with Phil. Steve and Phil would be miserable together and he would be happy. Or he would be the better person and let them be happy.

He didn’t have anyone else nor was he the better person. He missed Phil, had for a while and admitting he wasn’t coming back wasn’t going to suddenly help him. He went into the range. He was using a gun today. He didn’t want to use his bow and arrows.

He shot the targets with the same precision and efficiency that had made him Hawkeye, not just another good sniper.  It felt soothing just going through the motions.  He could get lost in the rhythm and method. 

Maybe he should quit it all.

He almost laughed, that wasn’t really an option. He had dedicated too much time to the organization and he wasn’t letting it all go for a broken heart. He had suffered worse.  He could get through it even if it didn’t feel like it.

He hit another target. Maybe the break up was something he needed. It felt different, for sure. Knowing he had lost Phil wasn’t the same as pretending he hadn’t. Maybe he could pretend he was fine, he’d start to believe it eventually.

He wanted to talk to Natasha but she kept acting like she didn’t know whether to kill Phil or beat the shit out of him. He thought about what he would do if anything like this happened to her. His first instinct was to kill the son of a bitch who hurt her, but the realized that if it was a friend then maiming would be high on the list rather than just assassination (maybe torture). Most people said they’d kill someone for hurting someone they cared about the how many people actually had killed someone?

He shook his head. He was doing that again. Comparing himself to normal people. He had never been normal, not even as a little boy. Him and Natasha were damaged but functional. He could live with that, as long as it didn’t fall to psychopathic and just plain fucked up.

He started disassembling his gun. He wasn’t going to compare himself to Steven Fucking Rogers either. There was no contest: America’s Golden Boy to One of America’s Dirty Secrets under three layers of Classified. After he was done he put away the firearm and headed toward the showers. He stopped when he saw Phil; in the same suit he had last seen him in the last time they had all been at HQ, standing by the entrance of the showers.

“Clint.” Phil started. He looked the same, there were no dark circles under his eyes and no signs he that this bothered him.

“Coulson.” He greeted.

He looked around. “Can we talk, in my office?”

“Let me get cleaned up.” Clint replied. Coulson nodded. Phil opened his mouth. “Don’t. Not here.” Phil nodded and walked away. Clint let his shoulders drop and headed toward the showers. He bathed, changed, and was ready in less than twenty minutes.

He walked toward Phil’s office. No one looked at him but really what did he expect? No one was going to blab about this. He knocked on the door.

“Come in.” Phil said. He entered. Phil was behind his desk, completing his paperwork. There wasn’t a trace of any emotion on Phil’s face. Clint closed the door behind him.

As the door closed a sudden knot of dread formed in his stomach. It felt like mourning. He schooled his face into the most placid expression he could come up with.  He turned around.

He sat on the seat opposite of Phil. Phil put aside his paperwork in the drawers and stared at him. Neither of them said anything for that moment. Clint wished he could still read him, read the same ticks and tells like before but he didn’t trust them.

Phil could lie like the best of them and not give a thing away. Phil had lied _to him_ about everything and for so long.  Lying was second nature to them.  He licked his lips.

“What did you want to see me about, boss?” For a moment Phil looked like he would take the out. Then he switched, all the indicators of Agent Coulson faded away.

“You know why.” Phil said softly. “I fucked up.”

“I’m pretty sure it was just me you fucked.” Clint said with foul humor. “But yeah, you fucked up, Coulson.” Phil flinched.

“Clint.” Clint shook his head.

“Only my friends call me Clint.” Phil’s mouth tightened and he gave an unhappy nod. “I’m glad we agree on something.” Clint flexed his hands. They still hurt. Phil’s eyes were drawn to the movement.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, it’ll heal. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt though.”

“Are we still talking about your hands?”

“You know I am. I don’t do the whole metaphor spiel.” Phil nodded. “You wanted to talk, talk.”

“I don’t know what to say.  I don’t even know how it happened.” Phil said and did not continue.

“You put him first.” Clint replied. “That was where it started, Coulson. It went from you and me to you and him, even before there was a you and him.” He sighed.

“I never want that to happen.  You made me happy.” Phil replied.

“I’ve been hearing that a lot and I’m not sure if it means it’s my fault.”

“No.” Phil looked at his hands. “What happened after Loki, we were both in a bad place.” Phil looked at him briefly. “You needed me and I couldn’t be there, not when I was like that and I needed someone who wasn’t so-so _needy_.

“That’s not the best word, but it’s the only way I can describe it. For that I am sorry, I’m so sorry, Clint.” Clint felt like yelling. He crossed his arms, his nails dug into his arm.

“Needy? I’m sorry I couldn’t be what you wanted, Phil. Sorry I couldn’t get over being mind fucked by Loki quick enough for you not to dump me. It’s not like I just left you there, Phil.

“I tried; I kept trying until I just had to give up. It was like trying to climb up a mountain that just keeps getting higher. Eventually you just have to give up. Or did you conveniently forget this?”

“No, I…There’s no excuse.” Phil said and licked his lips. Clint knew that sign well. “I had an entire argument in my head ready and I can’t remember half of it now.”

“Fury would fire you if he heard that.” Clint joked. Phil smiled tensely at him.

“Yes.” He paused. For a moment neither of them spoke. “This isn’t the best place to continue this conversation. I wanted to talk to you at home but Natasha said they’d never find my body if I tried without telling you first. Then after what Steve did I didn’t think you’d answer my calls so that left here.”

“I wouldn’t have, I wouldn’t be sure it was you.” Clint agreed. “You didn’t set Steve up for that?”

“No. God, no.” Phil replied earnestly. “He shouldn’t have done that. I’m not sure why he did it to be honestly. He hasn’t told me a thing about what happened and none of the Avengers will talk to me beyond official capacity. Thor hasn’t at all.”

“He punched Steve.”

“Natasha told you.”

“Yes.”

“I think he’s holding back because it took a few days for it to heal.” Phil said then put his head in his hands. “He hasn’t talked to me since. He feels guilty.”

“Because all of this is sunshine and rainbows.” Clint snapped.

“It’s not his fault.”

“He knew, Phil, he _knew_. He didn’t know it was me but he knew there was someone. You can’t claim to be truth, justice and all that bullshit if you do that knowingly.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“He told me you did.”

“He must have misunderstood. We kissed, once. That was it.” Phil said. “But that doesn’t change the rest.”

“No, it doesn’t.” Clint said and felt a pang of hurt spring. “I actually think it’s worse. Do you remember the last time we fucked?”

“We never fucked.”

“Sure we did, and most of the time it was fine. The last time though you called me Steve.”

“I thought I’d imagined that.” Phil replied softly. “You didn’t say anything.”

“You said it twice. I just wanted you.” Clint said. “I thought maybe things were getting better before you took me to bed. You spent a bit of time with me before that, you took me on a date. It was a crappy date but I was willing to take anything then.”

“The pizzeria.” Phil murmured. “They burned the pie.”

“Crappiest pizza ever but I thought it was worth it.” He shook his head. “But you’re right, we need to do this elsewhere, away from all of this. We need to get the Avengers Initiative back on track.”

“You have that right.” Fury said angrily as he entered the room. He slammed the door behind him. “Do you two know why Thor just came to me and refused to serve under Rogers or you, Coulson? Because it feels like everyone else does but I feel I’m getting blindsided from no where.”

Phil and Clint just stared.

Well, shit. Clint thought.


	5. All Comes Crashing Down

For a moment everyone stood there, silent without saying a word. Fury looked two seconds away from sending them to the Arctic station in nothing more than their skivvies. Clint looked over at Phil and saw an identical expression on his face.

“What exactly did Thor tell you, sir?” Clint asked slowly. He vaguely realized it felt like he had been caught in an ambush, which was ridiculous. He wanted to look at Phil but once Fury had his attention on you, you did not look away. You learned that the first time meeting with the director.

“Just what I said, only more flowery. You have to excuse me if I don’t feel like repeating it verbatim.” He said dryly. “I did find some of his phrasing rather interesting. For example when I asked him why this sudden change of heart he said something about ‘broken houses’ and described the situation as ‘a betrayal of the highest order’.

“I came right over to talk to Agent Coulson about it. Now I happen to hear that little sentence. Now either I came in at the wrong time or you two are hiding something. I want to know what it is you two were discussing. Now.” Clint cringed. Phil, thank God, took over.

“I understand your concern, Nick, but nothing is going on. No one is trying to sabotage or interfere with S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent Barton and I had a falling out recently. It has unfortunately affected our professional relationships.”

“How Rogers was also involved?” Phil cleared his throat.

“Captain Rogers was directly involved in the disagreement.” Was this Phil choking up? There was a reason Phil was so high an agent: He was cool, calm, and able to work under pressure. “It’s a rather sensitive but personal topic. I would prefer not to talk about it in detail, sir. The hostility you saw from Thor was a result of a discussion that happened in front of the other Avengers.”

“Tell me, clearly, what the fuck happened to break up my initiative! You’re saying nothing and I’m this close from having you interrogated in separate rooms.” Phil sighed and pushed through after glancing at Clint.

“I understand how that could make it appear that something is amiss.” Phil was trying to have his agent face on but something about it was off and if Clint could see it so could Fury. “We can resolve this and get back on track sir, if you give us the chance. All of this happened recently which is why our dynamics appeared to change over night.”

“Sir, Agent Coulson is correct. This was a matter between us three and nothing more just the time sucked. Thor was there when it happened.”

“Okay, enough with the bullshit. You’re trying very hard not to say something and it’s starting to get on my nervous. You three were involved in something and I want you to tell me straight what it was.”

Phil looked like he had sucked on a penny. God this was not going to end well.

“What do you know about the relationship between Agent Barton and myself?”

Fury actually laughed at the question.

“What I need to know. Contrary to what you may think I am not involved in the lives of all S.H.I.E.L.D. personnel nor do I have everyone watched 24/7. I have an actual job to do running this organization and assume you can manage to act like the motherfucking adults you’re suppose to be.

“That means I know very little about it. We might be friends but we both know have spent too much time in this line of business. You might think you tell me a lot, Phil, but you keep quiet more often than not. ”

“Agent Barton and I were involved, sir, for four years, romantically.” Phil said slowly.

“Were?” Fury waited for a minute when it seemed to dawn on him. “Motherfucker, you fucked Rogers.” Phil grimaced and Clint wanted to leave right then and then but Fury looked straight at him.

“I never slept with him.” Phil replied and that was truth enough. Points for truth. Clint thought sourly.

“That’s about the only thing you didn’t do.” Clint couldn’t help but let out. Fury glared. “Sorry, sir.”

“Explain now.”

“Captain Rogers…Steve and I have been dating for nearly a year.” Fury was silent for a moment then snarled:

“God damn it, Phil. What the fuck were you thinking?” Phil sighed and rubbed his face.

“Everyone’s been asking that and I can honestly tell you I don’t know.” Clint bit his tongue to keep silent.

“Thor was talking about you and him going at it behind Barton’s back?” He demanded. “Barton where were you in all this?”

“Well, you know how I have issues with interpersonal relationships?” Fury glared. Right, doesn’t keep track of all the agents’ lives, which meant every little detail wasn’t stored in his head like those boxes in Hangar 51.

“I was purposely deceiving myself about the state of Agent Coulson and I’s relationship and his and Roger’s. I decided to stop that at a bad time.” Fury’s eye drifted to the scratches on his hand. “Hit a mirror, sir. With everyone there.”

“You mean to say that my initiative, the one I spent years planning and mobilizing, was taken apart because you wanted of piece of ass? Not to even mention you and Barton.” Fury sighed and looked disappointed. “Phil, Agent Coulson I am placing you on administrative leave pending a review of your conduct in the past few months.”

There was a beat of silence.

“Sir?” Clint asked because this wasn’t right. “S.H.I.E.LD. has no fraternization policies and Captain Rogers isn’t an official agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.”

“I know that the Avengers are an independent agency!” Fury snapped. “But there are still rules about duty and regulations to make sure this kind of thing” He pointed to both of them. “doesn’t happen because it fucks things up. Or did you forget that and only remembered the parts that were convenient for you?”

“I have not abused my authority.” Phil said.

“That’s not for me to decide.” Fury replied just as calmly back. “Barton, you are placed on leave as well. You are cleared for any Avengers action but anything involving S.H.I.E.LD. will wait pending further evaluation of your own conduct.”

“I am fine.”

“You hit a mirror. You’re lucky I’m not sending you back to psych.” Fury warned. Clint nodded. “Agent Barton, you are dismissed.”

“Sir, please, you have to let us explain. This is-“

“I said you are dismissed, Barton.” Clint looked at Phil and saw him shake his head. _Go_. He mouthed. Clint nodded.

Clint left and headed back to the Tower. Fuck, he should have called Phil and have them talk it out even if it ended. When he entered the Tower the common areas were empty, everyone was away.

He sat down and frowned. He needed S.H.I.E.L.D. It had put him in a good place in life. S.H.I.E.L.D. needed Phil. He massaged his temples. Why did he have to punch that glass? If this had happened in their ( _his_ ) own or even Steve’s ( _their_ ) apartment it wouldn’t be okay but it had to be better than this.

He felt like someone had aired his dirty laundry and now he suspected a good number of people were going to know about it that he didn’t want too. He wanted to text Natasha but she was training a series of baby agents in stealth and camouflage.

God he wished he could just go and get drunk but S.H.I.E.LD. was great at calling you just as you were pissed to come in and do an ‘evaluation’ or ‘review’. Fury might not be personally monitoring them but someone certainly put surveillance to use during these kinds of situations. At least he wouldn’t get fired, he was sure of it. Forced to take retraining on protocol, cleaning toilets with a tooth brush, and even chewed out and left with hamburger meat of an ass but not fired.

He looked at the grounds; no one was there. He headed back to his apartment and rented a moving truck. He packed the boxes and drove them to the Tower. He told JARVIS to tell Phil where they were when he got back. He went back to his apartment.

He watched television until five when his phone rang. _Phil_. He answered.

“Hello?”

“I’ve spoken with Fury. He’s reconsidered our suspension and has given us a week of unpaid leave resolve this. He doesn’t expect miracles he just-

“Wants us to get our act together.” Clint finished relieved.

“Yes.” Phil said, he sounded uncomfortable. “Clint-“

“I told you not to call me that.”

“Fine. Agent,” Phil replied tersely. “I’m sorry for that. It was unprofessional. I shouldn’t have asked you there.” He felt like Phil wanted to say more.

“Yeah, it was but I should have answered the damn, just because Steve used once doesn’t change things. It’s still your phone, hell it’s primarily your _work_ phone.” Clint said. Then he cleared his throat. “I left your stuff at the Tower.”

“What?”

“Your things, collection, clothes, whatever I found of yours here I packed. I drove it there after I left.”

“Oh…Thanks.” Phil sounded choked.

“I didn’t do anything to them.” Clint wanted to clarify.

“I know you wouldn’t.”

“I wanted to.”

“I wouldn’t doubt it but thank you.”

“Okay. So we’ll talk later…I guess.”

“Yes.”

“Okay, bye.”

“Bye.” There was a moment of silence before Clint hung up.


	6. All the Unpleasant Things

Natasha looked lovely in her black dress and pumps. Also looked tired, her hair was slightly askew and her eyes were lined with the faintest of dark circles. Clint closed his door behind him and motioned for her to sit down on the couch. She shook her head and helped him put away the groceries after kicking off her shoes

She and he were quiet during the action. It had been less than a day since he and Phil had talked at SHIELD but it felt like a month ago. Clint stopped when he saw a jar of kosher pickles and rubbed his eyes.

“Fuck.” He said tiredly.

“What?” Natasha asked. She looked at the jar and then at him not quite understanding.

“Those are for Phil. I hate pickles.”

“I’ve seen you eat them before.”

“What haven’t we eaten for missions?” Clint retorted. Natasha made a face. “Herring or the haggis?”

“Haggis.” Clint laughed and put the pickles back in the bag. He’d return them or exchange them or whatever you did with food you didn’t want but bought.

Natasha walked to ‘her’ spot on the couch and sat there with her legs curled beneath her. Clint sat next to her and turned on the television. They watched a cop serial in silence for an hour until it ended and Clint started making dinner. Natasha merely watched.

“Why are you here?” He asked as he started sautéing his beef.

“How are you doing?”

“Okay.” Clint replied. “Not great, could be better but not the worst place I’ve been. At least I’m not in ICU, y’know?” Natasha nodded.

“Phil and I talked, then Fury came in. We have a week to fix the team or, well I don’t know what’s going to happen. Fury put Phil on admin leave before Phil got him to give him a week. We still have to talk.” He paused and started working on boiling rice. “How are the others?”

“Tense, you could come over. They’d like to see you.”

“No, not yet.” He added salt to the water. “How’s Thor?”

“He’s angry. We’ve had a lot of errant thunder and Rogers has stuck to his floor. Phil has been AWOL as well.”

“You can call him Steve. I don’t mind. You’re his friend too.” Natasha’s face turned dark.

“He is not my friend. You are.”

“Sometimes it doesn’t feel like it.” Clint replied. “Why did you let me make an idiot of myself?”

“You were happy.”

“I was miserable. I missed Phil all the time and I just hoped-I just hoped.” He didn’t slam the cup of rice into the water even though he wanted to. “I hate hope.”

“You were happy before. I hoped it would get better. It wasn’t. That was my mistake. I thought Phil would get his act together and realize what he was losing in you.”

“He’s doing a lot better than me.” Clint replied.

“He’s not. You think Captain America is Steve Rogers? He’s no more him than I am the Black Widow or you Hawkeye.” Clint smiled at her.

“I think we both know that the opposite is true. Black Widow, Hawkeye or whatever name we choose is us more than our aliases.” Natasha nodded. “But yeah, I see him as Captain America.”

“Mmm. That’s a mistake. He and Phil haven’t been doing well if it makes you feel better. This thing out in the open has made things awkward between them.”

“How?”

“Steve’s up at night again, I’ve seen him at the gym. He didn't hear me when I was on the floor for my own work out. I left but he seemed in his own world.”

“Phil looks the same.”

“He’s Phil. That’s his MO. He can have an gunshot wound and make you think he’s fine even though you see him bleeding in front of you.” Natasha replied.

“But I’ve seen _Phil_ and _Agent Phillip J Coulson_ , I know the difference.” Clint sighed.

“Do you?”

“I don’t know anymore.” He said tiredly. Natasha nodded. They were quiet for a moment. “Why didn’t you tell me?” He repeated.

“Was it going to do any good? He wasn’t sleeping with him. There was still a chance.”

“A chance at what?” Clint snapped.

“What do you want me to say?” Natasha replied evenly. She looked tired. “I am not sure what you want, Clint. I am not- I tried to help you. I did but it wasn’t enough. You were happy, he was happy. I didn’t see when it changed. We were all busy rebuilding and bringing the Initiative together.

“It’s not excuse but it’s the only reason I can give you as to why I didn’t see it until it was too late. All I can do is hope like you and try and get the results I want. I tried coercing Phil but he’s not easy to move.”

“He’s Phil.”

“He’s third most senior ranking agent in the organization. He’s not there because he’s pretty.”

Clint paused. Looked around then shook his head. “I was going to make a crack about Hill but she terrifies me more than you sometimes. I don’t know if she’s listening.” Natasha nodded; a small smile ghosted her face. He smiled. It felt strained.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t. You don’t mean it.”

“I do.”

“No, you feel…regret? That’s not sorry. You sounded sorrier when you broke my arrows in Istanbul.”

“I needed the explosives.”

“I needed them to kill our target.”

“You made one.”

“We needed him to go boom. Kind of hard when my arrow didn’t have a boom.”

“I planted the explosives that did it.”

“Yeah so we were even.” Natasha nodded then stared. It didn’t unnerve Clint. “Maybe.” Natasha glared. He chuckled. Then paused. “Can you do me a favor?”

“What?”

“Get started on the salad?” She nodded and started cutting and washing lettuce. It wasn’t forgiveness but it would get there. Natasha nodded and cut the lettuce with enough force to dent his cutting board.

They ate in silence ,watched a movie then headed to bed. Natasha took his guestroom. He slept in his too big a bed. He couldn’t sleep his mind raced. Six days and counting. He thought.

He woke up with a crick in his neck, arm slung awkwardly. He looked at the clock. Shit, he felt tired. He needed to get to work. Right, a week. A week’s leave (no pay). He rubbed his face. He looked at the date.

God he hadn’t thought about the rent. He wasn’t paid too shabbily but the rent for the apartment was ridiculously expensive. Phil’s pay grade was much higher than his. He needed to rebudget. He stood up, relieved himself, and then walked to the kitchen. Natasha was still sleeping.

He started on breakfast, a light meal of oatmeal and a bran muffin. He set out a bowl with Natasha. He walked to dining room table and turned on his laptop. He checked his bank accounts. He frowned. He had a decent savings and could probably pay the rent with utilities but he’d have to cut back a bit.

Okay so he wouldn’t get evicted. He would have to look for the lease and stuff regarding the utilities…unless Phil had all that electronically. He rubbed his face. He smiled wanly; he felt like a housewife trying to go without her husband for the first time. _Four years_.

He went to the sports websites and tried to get lost in the statistics. An hour later Natasha groggily walked into to kitchen, heated up the oatmeal and ate next to him in silence.

“Mission today?”

“Debrief.” Clint nodded and waited for a moment. “What should I do?”

“I don’t know.” Clint said. “Think Tony’s up for hanging out?”

“If he’s not unconscious yes.”

“Drinking?”

“No, he’s pretty moderate on that now. Just either work, inventing, or being Tony.” Natasha replied. “I think he’s working with Bruce on something. The science goes over my head when they explain it. I think only Thor can follow but he seems pretty bored by it.”

“Advanced alien species?”

“I think just advanced alien not too interested in sciences that much. He’s likes fashion and sports.”

“America’s Next Top Model, this season a special celebrity judge: Thor, Norse god of thunder.”

“I can see that actually.”

“What not to wear: Norse god edition. Metals yea, pastel nay.” Natasha laughed.

“You going to talk to him?”

“Phil first, then Thor or together at least. I don’t think I could survive an angry punch from the guy.”

“He wouldn’t hit you.”

“You never know. Thought he wouldn’t hit Steve.”

“It was brutal. I actually think Steve was out for a few seconds.”

“Thor holding back?”

“Probably.” Natasha yawned. “I have to go in a few.” she paused then asked, “Are we alright?”

“No, I can’t say that but, Nat, you’re my best friend. You didn’t do it intentionally.”

“It still hurt you.”

“Phil’s your friend too.”

“He is.” She looked at him. “He should have known better. His friendship with me is…I want to hurt him.”

“Please don’t we escaped SHIELD once I don’t think I could do it again with how much they know about us.”

“I have too much invested in my retirement account.” Natasha replied seriously. Clint laughed.

“You have one? I think I’d get offed before then.”

“Don’t. I need someone to help me stalk the retirement home.”

“I had thoughts of Florida but okay. I can manage that.” And Phil… Phil managed his retirement too. Did he still have SHIELD’s retirement plan or had that been moved to something else? Good god, he was like a housewife. Did they have an accountant too? He wondered. He hoped so or the IRS would be at his door soon.

He sighed.

“What is it?”

“Just need to work things out.” Natasha nodded. She left for work and he cleaned before sending Tony a text message. He got a reply an hour later.

_Tower or Shawarma?_

_Central Park?_

_Too much construction. Starbucks?_

_Too plebian. Wanna go to France? You have your passport?_

_Yes, I have a passport. France though?_

_I want croissants._

_You’re kidding._

_Tax deduction._

_How?_

_Well I’m not just going for croissants._

_How about a museum?_

_MOMA?_

_Yeah._

_See you soon, handsome. ;)_

_I’m regretting this already._

☺

Clint laughed and went to get ready. Tony was ready true to his word and picked him up with Happy. Bruce was with him. The doctor smiled.

“You coming too?”

“Just that direction. I have to buy a few things.”

“Stretchy pants.” Tony mouthed. Bruce elbowed him. Clint laughed.

“Clint help solve a debate for us. Does the Hulk not look good in purple or am I a fashion disaster? I mean I’ve dressed myself-“

“Had people dress you.” Bruce added.

“Since I was five and been a master of fashion. Sometimes I admit I am wrong, like that time I wore Pepper’s nightie at a board meeting but normally I’m spot on.”

“I plead the fifth.” Bruce and Tony glared.

They talked until they got to the museum, then Bruce headed wherever he was going. Tony and him got in for free; really it was due to Tony’s membership to some board or other. They spent the next few hours criticizing art. They ate a late lunch and talked about nothing. Clint was glad for the distraction until Tony brought it up.

“You okay?”

“Yes.” Tony paused.

“You need any help?”

“What?”

“Rent, etc. You need help? I know they don’t pay you lunch scraps but you live in an expensive area and Coulson is still able to pay for Dolce and Gabana like they’re suits from Sears. I want to make sure you’re okay.”

“I’m fine. I can pay it, just have to budget.” Tony’s nose wrinkled. “Yes, I don’t have unlimited resources like you Tony but even if I couldn’t it’s hardly like I’d go to the alley dumpster downgrading.”

“Okay, just let me know.”

“Thanks.”

“It’s not charity.” Tony said.

“I know.”

“I could pay your rent.” He offered.

“No.”

“No one pays me rent at the Tower.”

“Don’t you invoice Fury?”

“He sends them back after shredding them.”

“You eat the costs?”

“I own the building, they’d get used one way or another.” Tony said shrugging.

“I can’t think like that man. It’s unreal.”

“Nah, just my life. I could go without out, have gone without but if you can have nice things why not?”

“Yeah. I know.”

After lunch they kept looking at the museum. Then Phil sent him a text.

_Can we talk?_

_Yes. Where?_

_Up to you._

“I have to see Phil.” Tony nodded and looked at him seriously.

"Need company?”

“No, I have to do this.” he sighed. “I have a week to get the Avengers back together or Fury’s…I don’t know but he’s not happy.”

“Blackmail?” He asked unhappily.

“No but this? We have to find a way to work with it or get to a place where we can.” He shook his head. “It’s our job or at least mine. Just doesn’t go away because of it.” Tony nodded but clearly looked unhappy. “Look I get it, you aren’t happy about this-“

“That’s putting it lightly.” Tony muttered. Clint glared.

“But this is our lives and those are the facts we have to work with. We all have to get on a page where we can work with it or not.”

“Fury really believes we can work it out in a week?”

“Not even he expects that of us and we work with a god.” Clint replied. “We just have to make it…manageable.”

“I hate that word. It’s a dirty word.”

“Never said it wasn’t.” Tony sighed.

“I’ll have Pepper see about this. I want to punch Coulson and really both pity and hate Captain America so I need her perspective on it.”

“Is she doing okay? I mean she and Phil were-“

“She compartmentalizes better in some ways than me.” Tony replied and flashed a grin. “Though she was not happy with him at all. You should have seen it. You do not mess with Virginia Potts.”

“Some would say the same about Phil.”

“She put the fear of Odin in him.”

He laughed and shook his head. “I should go.” Tony nodded but looked at him seriously.

“I mean it about the help. You need anything and just let me know.”

“Thanks.” Clint said and left outside.

_Central Park. Meet me at Columbus Circle._

_When?_

_Half an hour_

_Can do._

Clint headed over and wondered when he’d have to talk to Steve again.

Clint met with Phil at Columbus Circle. Phil dressed casually in jeans. Looks like he was off too. Fury must really be mad then. Clint acknowledged him with a nod and had Phil follow him to an isolated location so every Tom, Dick, or Harry wouldn’t overhear them. Finally they were alone. Clint reclined next to a tree. Phil stood a little bit away from him.

“What did you want to talk about?” Phil licked his lips and said nothing. “Phil?”

“I’m sorry.” Clint frowned and nodded slowly. “I had this plan again and I’m not sure where to start. I keep doing that.”

“Planning?”

“Getting ahead of myself.” Clint felt a surge of anger.

“I’m not here for a pity fest. We had that. There’s not more to say about that.”

“There is.”

“I don’t want to talk about it then.” He snapped. He felt sick again and the hurt he felt from the past few months came ahead again. “You don’t care. I realized that, Phil. You don’t care. You just want…you just want and damn it all.”

“It wasn’t like that.”

“That’s how it turned out.” He said. “I loved you and it wasn’t enough.” Phil was silent. “Now what did you want?” Clint growled.

“This isn’t easy for me either, you know? I ruined everything I worked for.” Phil snapped.

“That’s not my fault!”

“I know it’s not!” Phil yelled back and looked startled. “It’s not and I just want things to go back how they were.” He looked old then and Clint felt just as tired as him. “But it’s not and…and let’s just get started. We have a lot to do.”

“Yeah we do.” Clint licked his lips. “First the apartment and everything like that. Do you want it?”

“It’s yours.”

“I can’t make the payments for the long run. When does the lease end?” Phil shrugged.

“I’d have to look it up.” They talked Phil pretty much agreeing with everyone one of his demands and telling him everything he wanted about household things (he did still have the SHIELD retirement package and an accountant did do their taxes, he worked in SHIELD). Everything they had worked for together was slowly falling apart.

By the end of the conversation Clint felt like he was dismantling someone’s life after they had died. He rubbed tiredly at his face. It would be sundown soon.

“We have to talk about Steve.”

“What about him?”

“I want to ask all those questions but really how are you two doing? How will it affect us-the team, work?” Phil looked pained. “Trouble in paradise?” Phil glared. “Look we both said it, we don’t have time for this shit. Fury gave us a week. We got to use it or I don’t know, get canned.” Phil nodded.

“I don’t know.”

“What do you mean?”

“He’s…acting strange.”

“Dangerous?”

“No.” Phil replied and shook his head. “Give me a moment.”

“Okay.” Clint replied and watched the skyline.


	7. All We Worked For

"Phil?" Clint called after a moment. Phil turned to him. His lips were drawn into a thin line. Clint hesitated the asked, "Are you okay?"

"Not really." Phil replied and walked slowly toward him. Clint held his ground. Phil made no move to push him or move away past him from where he'd stopped. "This whole situation was unexpected, Clint. I want you to know that; I never thought it would turn out like this, as cliché as it sounds.

“I’m not blaming you. After a while I knew what I was doing, even if it came from out of left field-“

“Phil, stop.” Phil shook his head.

“Let me finish, then we’ll talk about what we need to, what you want to. This thing with Steve and us wasn’t planned, I promise you that. We just fell apart in between…and I’m sorry, Clint. You trusted me and I broke that.” Phil took a deep breath and let it out in a harsh exhale. “Now you want to talk about Steve.”

“Yes.”

“I told you he was acting odd.”

“What do you mean by that? How is he different? Can’t really say I know the guy, you know?” Clint said ruefully. Phil nodded.

“Yes.” Phil sighed. “He’s more distant and he’s acting erratically.” Clint tense.

“Dangerously?”

“No.” Phil answered immediately. “Everything he’s grown used to has been pulled out from under him. It explains his behavior. It’s just sudden, like all of this He just- never mind.”

“I understand what you mean. I get what you mean.” Clint said neutrally. “It’s like being at a foster home, you’re happy then you’re being sent away again from out of nowhere.”

Phil paused. “That’s a good analogy.”

“Thanks, not just a dumb grunt.” Phil smiled sadly at him.

“I know.” Clint looked away. It was a shadow of their old intimacy. It made his heart ache. He’d never have that again. His stomach dropped and a sour tasted filled his mouth. He turned back to Phil. Phil’s face was blank. “He’s not sleeping well, suffering from insomnia.”

“Not waking up in the arms of your boy toy bothering you.” Phil glared briefly.

“He’s going through therapy.”

“What?” That surprised him. “I mean Psych’s not really my strong suit. I don’t get it.”

“He’s still human, Clint. What happened to him…is enough to destroy the strongest of men.”

“I know that.” Clint felt irritated. “I never said this was easy for him..”

“I know.” Phil replied and looked away from him. “ So I don’t know if he can’t work with you or if he can. I honestly can’t answer that.”

“Would he want to?”

“I’d like to think so.”

“I want to stay on the Avengers.”

“You’re not the problem, Clint. Everyone would happily work with you. It’s me and Steve that are the issue at hand.” Clint licked his lips.

“You’re a good handler, sir.” the honorific was forced. Phil gave him a brittle smile.

“You see? It’s not a good match anymore. I’m compromised, personally and professionally.” So was Clint but at least Phil wasn’t blaming him for that or pointing it out. Was Phil really remorseful? He couldn’t trust him anymore.

“You’ve got your career.” He offered.

“I hope so. Fury’s not going to turn a blind eye to this. Not the way it’s turned out. You know that.”

“I give you my word. I’ll find a way to talk to him…this shouldn’t count against you. We’ve both put too much into SHIELD. I don’t want to lose it. I don’t want you to lose it.”

“Don’t you?”

“You broke a lot of things between us, sir,.  It hurt me but it-I-we- it’s not the worst I’ve dealt with.” Phil tried smiling at that but it was awkward.

“It’s not up to us.”

“But it is about us!” Clint felt his temper flare. God he was so fucked up and he was a mess but god damn it. This should never have gone out. “I won’t let them decide for us.”

“Clint…our lives…thank you.” If Fury wanted to follow with the review no amount of pleadings from Clint, Phil or Steve would make any difference. An awkward silence fell over them again.

Several times each of them opened their mouths to say something only to close it immediately. Phil rubbed his hands against the growing cold. The sun was almost down now. Clint could hear the emerging din of the hovering insects and mosquitoes that would prey on the visitors in the park.

Ten minutes felt like they passed when Clint’s nerves finally broke and he uttered, “So Steve and Psych. Huh, that going well?” It was still awkward but at least there wasn’t just silence standing between them like some stonewall.

“Yes or so I’ve been told. Fury’s assured me of it. It was one of the conditions to return to the field of Captain America.”

“So mandatory?”

“Both.”

“Oh, good man.” Clint tried.

“Maybe.”

“What do you mean?”

“He had an appointment yesterday. He went.”

“And?”

“Glowing review as always.”

“You still have access to records sir?”

“Jasper.”

Oh.

Then, “Cap’s a con?”

“Maybe.” Clint laughed.

“Guess we’re not too different then. It’s easy to play Psych, Phil, sometimes.”

“I know.” Phil had done it enough times himself. They’d been there for each other before. Clint tried not to think about that.

“Guess you like artists then. Heh.” It was a lame joke but Phil got it.

“The Amazing Hawkeye.” Phil whispered.

“Captain America.” He cleared his throat. “An artist is just a con, makes you believe what they want you to see, just has a better rep than the other.”

“Clint-“

“No, Phil. I got to tell you what I think even if you don’t like it.  Besides, I think we talked enough today.” Phil nodded. “Can I call you, if I need to?”

“Yes.”

“Just keep Steve away.”

Phil winced. “I will.” Phil licked his licks and smacked absentmindedly at an errant insect on his arm. “It-the team?”

“I’ll talk to them. Fury will have our asses otherwise.” It was the same line he kept telling himself to make himself go through each step even if the didn’t want to. He was a grown man but it didn’t make it any easier. And he was so tired of it all. Clint sighed.

“Clint-I thanks for seeing me. I know –just thank you.”

“Yeah whatever.” Clint rubbed the back of his head. Phil just looked at him with an odd and sad expression. This was and wasn’t his Phil. He’d lost his Phil a while back.

“I’ll see you around then.”

“Right.” Another moment of silence. Clint took off in a random direction. He could feel Phil following his track. Once he was out of sight he set of running. He ran until his lungs burned. He collapsed on a bench after what seemed forever.

He watched the passing late night joggers and people. Through the tree line in the distance he could make out the evening’s traffic. After he got his breath back he walked toward the street and boarded the subway home.

He stood packed with the other commuters on the ride back and thought about his conversation with Phil. An artist, a con. He stopped himself from continuing that line of thinking.

Don’t make comparisons. He told himself. He’d be up all night if he didn’t. He walked to his apartment building after he exited the compact cart. The doorman let him in without a second glance.

He took the elevator up to his floor. He checked his phone. Nothing. He stopped. If he were a normal person he’d have pictures on it. Pictures of him and Phil, Steve, the team. In SHIELD there were no real personal items. If he’d had had photographs taken they would have been transferred to e-mail or a computer almost immediately before the phone would have been wiped and reset.

He rubbed his temples. Maybe he should take a vacation with Tasha or something. He smiled. Tony, the surrealistic aspect of his life, at being able to hang out with Tony Stark of all frigging people.

He got started on dinner. It was simple pasta; he didn’t have the energy to make anything complicated. After the meal he went and showered. The shower felt oddly empty without Phil’s shampoos and body wash. He changed into his sleep clothes and went watch television. He sat in the sofa he hated with an ugly blanket.

He didn’t know what he watched. He grabbed his phone and texted Tony.

_Done with talk with PC_

It took a few minutes before he got a reply.

_You okay?_

_Yes._

_How’s Bruce?_

_Good. Got himself a lot of purple stretch pants._

For a moment Clint was confused. He laughed.

_From you?_

_I plead the Fifth._

_Not a criminal case man. Tasha would have your hide if you tried that for real._

_You know about her stint as Natalie Rushman._

_Duh. Best friend._

_You work for a secret organization._

_Best friend trumps nation secrecy pacts, man. Or do I have to remind you of what you tell Rhodes and vice versa._

_I have a witty reply but it might be taken out of context and this text may be monitored._

_Like you couldn’t get rid of it._

_☺_

_Tasha huh?”_

_Shut up, Stark. You call your best friend by his last name._

_Please, he loves me for it._

_Keep telling yourself that man._ Clint yawned.    _I’m gonna hit the hay, I’m tired. See you soon._

_Night._

_Get some sleep!_

_Science first, sleep second_

_MarioKart is not science._

_Vicious lies. I’m not even going to deign a response to that._

_Alright, I got to go for real. Night, Tony._

_Night._

Clint went to bed and took a long time to actually fall asleep.

He’d talk to Steve first then the team.

Maybe.


	8. All That Was Hidden

He tapped his fingers along the tabletop as he looked at his financials for the month. The pay cut had hurt him. He would need to need draw from his savings but only a bit. He glared at the numbers and sighed. No more beer, no more eating out then for the rest of month. Or at all. Until the lease ended at least.

It wasn’t the worst situation he’d faced. Twenty year old him would probably beat the shit out of him for feeling sorry for himself. Especially since this was basically luxury. He eyed the kitchen table.

It was a nice piece of furniture, not something he would have thought to buy even with his salary. It was all Phil, the sleek elegance but the chips and dents were mostly from him. He could sell it. Probably wouldn’t fit in his new apartment when the downgraded.

His head hit the table as he let it drop. Who would buy it so soon or for the price he wanted? He sighed. Wasn’t there a concern about bedbugs too?

He grabbed his laptop and closed it. Great. He was moping. He stood and walked to his cell phone. He grabbed it and he began to pace the apartment. He had to call Steve.

There was no alternative. He brought up his contact list and sighed. Steve. He glared at the name and blacked the screen out. Clint, get it together. The longer you wait the longer you risk getting Fury’s wrath.

He turned on his phone and unlocked it. The contacts page was in front of him. He took a deep breath and hit Steve’s number.

“Hello?” Steve answered sounded winded. Clint could hear the sound of by passing wind. Was Steve running? That made sense; Clint doubted he’d answer while riding his bike. “Hello?” He sounded annoyed now.

“Rogers.” Clint greeted. Steve audibly inhaled.

“Barton.” Steve replied winded. He had broken his jogging rhythm.

“We need to talk.”

“I know.” Steve replied; he sounded like he had slowed down his pace. “We have a lot of ground to cover.”

“Yeah.  Wish this was a social call.”  He replied. He walked to the window and watched the people walk below. “We’ve got to get this mess into some kind of order.”

“Phil told me. Fury’s placed you on leave.” Of course Phil had told him. Phil had probably told him about yesterday’s little talk too. “Then there’s Thor; Thor won’t talk to me or Phil. He hit me, you know?”

“I know.”

“It hurt.” Steve said laughing breathlessly. “Says he can’t trust me and he went off a bit. I saw stars for the first time in a while.” He didn’t sound bitter. Did he find it funny? Phil had said he hadn’t been acting normal. Clint shook his head. He shouldn’t jump to conclusions or come up with situations that would work for him

“Do you trust me, Clint?”

“I’d rather talk about this in person.” Clint replied. He didn’t like not being able to see Steve, watch his expression change or shift. The question could mean many things. While his tone was harmless the face and body could express more.

“Me too.” Steve replied instantly. “We need to talk, for real this time.”

“Yeah, that phone call wasn’t something we should have had.”

“You were avoiding me.” Steve retorted, it sounded like he was picking up his pace again. Clint watched the crowds go by underneath, the morning was almost over and people were starting to grow in number as he lunch rush began.

“Can you blame me?”

“No, I get it.” Steve said it and his accent slipped from All American to something more native to New York. “I get that. You wanted space but we got to settle it like men now.”

“No fists, Rogers.” He said immediately.

“Never intended it to come to that Barton.” Steve replied. “Men use words.” he heard a faint laughter from the crowd he must passed. “Just tell me where.”

“Today.” He replied.

“So soon? Okay. When?” Clint told me. “Central Park, two o’clock.” He was going to do everything in the open but away from all the team. He needed to have some privacy but not somewhere people, SHIELD, could track as easily without compromising themselves. He knew it was stupid; no one was probably following them but paranoia had kept him alive for that long and he trusted it.

“Okay. But you got to be a bit more specific. Big park.” Steve said; it sounded like he wanted to make a joke about it. It fell flat. Clint told him where he wanted to meet up with him. “See you soon.” And he hung up.

Clint paced again. He cleaned the kitchen, washed one load of laundry, and then watched TV for an hour before he went to the Park. He thought about texting Natasha or Tony but stopped. They’d want to come or observe. Tension was running high between them all. He didn’t want to make it even more awkward.

Clint found Steve waiting for him in the small alcove of trees. He was wearing his glasses and bomber jacket. A bored expression sat on his face. He smiled widely when he saw Clint; it was a professional smile that could be found on any number of the items Phil loved so much. Was that the smile Steve gave Phil?

He put it out of his mind. Eyes on target, Hawkeye. He told himself. Clint took off his own glasses and put them away. Steve followed him but didn’t move to follow him to remove his glasses. He gave a gesture toward his eyes.

“I prefer to wear these some days. Eyes are a bit too good some days and the sun’s too bright.”

“Does it bother you?”

“I can handle it. I just prefer the buffer if I can have it.” Clint’s eyes adjusted quickly to the change of sunlight under the trees. He almost always had the best vision of anyone in a group. His eyes were different than those than Thor and Loki; they were human. Steve was human, but his eyes were better and still so different to his own.

For a moment they stood there silent. They stood staring at each other. Steve didn’t offer his hand to Clint nor did Clint to him. Clint saw the small micro expressions pass over Steve’s face. It told so much and nothing. Clint stood at parade rest. Steve mimicked him. They probably looked ridiculous.

Fuck it.

“Where do we start?” Clint asked.

“Anything you want to get off your chest first?” Steve asked nonchalantly in reply. They might have been talking about the weather.  “What do you mean?” Clint asked suspiciously. Steve smiled; the smile was wan.

“We need to be able to talk about this reasonably.”

“Want me to yell at me you mean?”

“If you want to.”

“What are you playing at Rogers?” He demanded.

“Nothing.” Steve stressed the word. “But we have to be able to talk about this without letting our anger or any other emotion cloud our judgment.”

“So if I want to get anything off my chest I should it now so we can do it.” He finished. Clint glared at his team leader.

“Yes.”

“I’m good or at least as if we want to go home or get anywhere today. What about you?” Clint asked him. “Do you have anything to get off your chest? You talk to Phil about anything that was bothering you?”

“What do you mean, Clint? Phil and I are doing fine. We’ve talked.”

“Even about the fact that you think that he still loves me?” He asked doubtfully. Steve glared.

“Yes.” the lie was almost believable. Had Phil not told him otherwise Clint would have believed him. Phil and Steve were talking but not like before. There was a distance that hadn’t been there before. Unless they’d made up; but Clint doubted that.

He’d left Phil late and even if Steve and Phil had managed to make up the circumstances pointed to otherwise. Clint knew Phil. Phil would have wanted to spend the day together with Steve, especially since they both had the day off.

Clint said nothing. His lips tightened but he said nothing. He took a deep breath and looked at Steve.

“Let’s start with command. Fury wants the Initiative back up and running like this never happened.” Clint said, knowing he was repeating whatever Phil had told him. “You have a problem with that?”

“No.” Steve said. “Do you? Do you have a problem with my command? With Phil’s?”

“Yes.” Clint replied simply. “But I’m a professional. I can work with you. I didn’t get to where I am just because of my aim. What’s the use of an insubordinate sniper who won’t stay on target?” He asked.

“You disregard plenty.”

“SHIELD isn’t as strict as the army despite. We’re covert, that requires flexibility.” Steve’s expression turned annoyed.

“I know about covert warfare, Barton.” Steve barked in a commanding voice. “I didn’t keep the title of Captain because of my costume.”

“Warfare’s changed, Cap.” He replied with a smile. “I’ve been in so deep I think I almost forgot my own name, and with the Avengers out in the open.”

“You don’t think I’ve dealt with that? Spies got in places back then too.” Clint shrugged and took a deep breath.

“Dick measuring, Steve.” He hissed the name. Steve grimaced and nodded his agreement with his conclusion. The line of conversation would get them nowhere.

“Okay. That’s good.” He looked directly at him; Clint could feel the stare bore into him. “It’s good that you can work with me or Phil.” Steve’s expression shift minutely.

“Can you work with me?”

“Why wouldn’t I? You think I’d abuse my position?”

“We’re all compromised, Rogers. I need to know you can make the calls necessary for the field and we’re not going to have you going AWOL to save Phil or leave me out in the dark.”

“Yes.” Steve hissed but the anger was on his face. “I wouldn’t…I’d have to get rid of you like that if I want to end behind bars or be suicidal.” His lips pulled back into a subconscious snarl that was gone just as quickly as it had come.

“Even if you think Phil could come back to me?” Clint pressed deciding to just cut through the bull.

“What?” Steve’s body shifted, defensive and ready to strike. “Why would he do that? He’s with me now…he has been for a while.” Steve said the last part quietly as if more to himself than to him. Was he reassuring himself?

Clint snorted. “I don’t have a lot of things going for me either, Cap.” He made it clear what he meant. Steve smiled.

“I know what you’re doing and it’s not going to work. I can work with you Clint and I won’t do anything as stupid as try and hit you. You have a problem with me then report it to HQ or me.” Steve clenched his jaw. “And Phil, Phil’s mine. Let’s just make that clear. We have to deal with it like you said.”

“Lying in your own bed then.” Clint said and sighed. “Okay. What about the others?”

“They don’t want me. I can’t do anything about that right now. None of them are willing to see me.”

“I’m going to talk to them about this. I needed to see you first though.”

“In case it didn’t work out.” Steve replied with a nod. His fist in his left hand was clenched. Clint wondered if he knew he was doing it.

“Yeah.” Clint cleared his throat. Right, awkward time. “Steve, why-“ What did it matter? He wondered. It was over. He stopped. He gave him an awkward smile.

They stood in silence again.

Steve glanced around them and shifted slightly.

“You never answered my question.” Steve said.

“What question?” Oh. “No.”

“Why not?”

“You know exactly why not.” Clint said irritated. “I hope I can trust you in the field but don’t expect anything other than a professional relationship from me Rogers. You said you could.”

“I can.” Steve shifted again. “But Clint, we need to be able to work outside of work. The team-“

“The team doesn’t trust you.” Clint snapped. “And I’m pretty sure they’re a bit off about me too but I’m not the one who lied to their faces all this time.”

“No? You didn’t say a thing about your or Phil. I’m pretty sure only Natasha knew about it and she kept quiet. It’s not my fault they misinterpreted anything between us.”

“They didn’t misinterpret anything at all. You two may have started friends but you sure as hell didn’t stay there. Phil may not have fucked you but that doesn’t change a thing that stood between you.” Bitterness engulfed. Him. “No, he just fucked me and kept the barest pretenses up with me.”

Steve’s face twisted into an angry snarl and his left hand formed a fist. His shoulder rose slightly before he put it back down.

“Phil and I never lied. It’s not my fault you didn’t say anything. The others misinterpreted it because you never said anything and I didn’t do anything when I knew you were there!” Steve snapped. “Do you know how hard it was not to kiss him? Try to tell him –“ He took a deep breath. “He still went home to you.”

“One day a week? Yes, that’s so difficult for you to have been one day away from him.” Clint snapped and crossed his arms. “You could have stopped. You could have started going away from him once you knew.”

“He was my friend.” He replied. “I wasn’t willing to risk losing him.”

“And why not Cap? Afraid Phil would drop you like a hot potato?” He glared. “I don’t know what you want, Steve. I don’t know how to read you. You called me asking for forgiveness and saying sorry and here you are trying to blame me. You tried it then too.”

“I want things to-to stop being this awkward. I want our team back and I want this…settled. I know this is hard—I don’t know what to do. I never had this come between any dames I’d gone out with or any of the fellows.”

“So nothing ever went on between you and Carter or Barnes at the same time? Because the stories-“

“Are lying.” Steve hissed. “I never did anything with either of them. Bucky and I were just friends and I never had a chance with Peggy.” Clint felt shame and his anger won out.

“Okay.”

“What?”

“ I said okay. Let’s try and settle this. You want to work with team and so do I. Problem is the team doesn’t trust you.” He looked at him. “I’m going to talk to them. Then I’ll get back to you.”

“Shouldn’t we talk to them together?”

“That’s not a good idea.” Steve grimaced but nodded.

“Okay… I’m sorry.” Steve said awkwardly, all anger appearing to leave him. “I really didn’t mean for this to happen Clint.”

“You were lonely.” A heartbreaking expression crossed his face.

“Yes.”

“That’s not an excuse.” Steve looked like he had sucked on a lemon.

“I know.” He had to know.

“Who started it?”

“What?”

“You or Phil…who wanted more?”

“I don’t know.” Steve replied softly. But Clint saw the want. Phil wasn’t blameless, not by a long shot but Phil and Steve wouldn’t have been the first two hurt and lonely men to fall into bed together or something like it.

Would he have forgiven him, Phil, if he had told him earlier? He wondered. Clint shook of the wisps of what-ifs. It wouldn’t do him any good. It never did. Not when he was a child, not now.

“I’ll give you a call then; don’t, don’t contact me. Okay? I just need time. We’ll find a way.” It sounded weak even to his ears but he had to believe it or nothing would ever come out of it.

Steve nodded. Clint turned to leave when Steve grabbed his arm in a flurry of movement. “Rogers?” Steve looked at him. He didn’t look any different; there was no hysteria or any melodramatics that would appear on TV. He looked at him calmly and said:

“We have to get through this.” The tone was off by only so much.

“Yes.” Steve smiled but anxiety tinged it. He was worried and Clint wondered how often Steve carried the mantle of Captain America out of costume.

“Good. I’ll expect your call.”

Clint headed off again. A bit away from their meeting ground he turned and watched Steve take off his glasses, rub his eyes, and sigh. The man looked tired. He put on his glasses again and turned to walk away himself. He didn’t punch a tree or anything overly dramatic, but Clint saw the anger in him through the firmly clenched fists by his sides.

He went back home.  Everyone needed to get on the same boat.  Steve and Thor were the major hurdles.  Thor’s sense of honor was something both antiquated and literally alien; he would have to hope Thor understood what he felt.

Natasha would be on board because she was a professional. Tony and Bruce looked like they could work with it even if they wouldn’t like it.  He had to make them see that they couldn’t be dicks about it, even unintentionally. 

Thor would be the biggest hurdle.  The rest of the team was more or less on board but they were on different levels of acceptance.  He could work with that.  He’d deal with them over the next two days.  That way he’d know for sure whether it would work or if they were screwed despite it all. 

He went home and thought about Phil and Steve. He sent a text message to Phil.

_Talked to Steve.  Will be speaking with the others tomorrow._

_Understood._  Came the reply.   
  
He cleaned again and started looking at apartments on the web. It’d be a few months before he moved out but he could get a general idea of what he wanted.  The thought of moving into the Tower or back on base was tempting but he wanted a place just to himself for a while.

It would be the best thing to start with, a place for himself.  He searched for an hour before he got bored.  Then he went for a run.  When he came back he showered and headed to the movie theatre.   
  
He felt vaguely disappointed with the film despite liking it.  He’d watch it again, he decided. Once it was all over.  Then he could decide whether he’d really liked it. There was nothing depressing about it. It was a standard action film with over the top graphics and ridiculous deaths with no blood spatter.


	9. All Efforts Toward Victory

He woke up with a headache and stressed.  He ate breakfast, took a few OTC and drank more water than was probably wise given his headache.  He wanted to go meet Thor put the pounding in his temples didn’t encourage him or motivate him to do anymore than curl up into a small ball and be miserable. 

He fell asleep for another two hours. When he woke up his mouth tasted like cotton but the pounding was gone and all that remained was a tight band of tension. He took a shower. The tension still remained. 

He growled in frustration. He didn’t have time for this. He rubbed his temples and wished Phil were there to help massage him.  He gave decent massages.  Damn it.

Clint looked at his watch.  It was later than he liked, nearly noon.  He grabbed his phone and called Thor.  Thor answered on the second ring.

“Clinton!” He greeted enthusiastically.  Clint realized he hadn’t talked to him in a few days and could understand the man’s enthusiasm, especially if he wanted to offer moral support. Thank God Thor knew about space though, he didn’t think whatever Thor would have in mind to help ease his ‘woe’ (because that would be the word that he would use) would actually help him other than kill his liver and schedule.

“Hey Thor.” Clint replied with hopefully some of the same enthusiasm.  He failed though if Thor’s tone was any indication.

“Are you well my friend?”  
  
“No, I have a headache but aside from that I’m good. I’m not hurt and I’m dealing fine. That’s actually what I want to talk to you about Thor.”

“I have spoken with Fury and told him I would no longer serve with Steven or Phillip.” Thor told him seriously. Which may have been the right thing to do on Asgard but on Earth it just fucked things up, he thought “Natasha has informed me that she has passed on the information to you but I wished to assure you that I have not changed my decision. It is dishonorable what they have done and I will not serve with them.”  
  
“Yeah, about that.” Clint sighed. “I would really like to talk to you about it Thor but in person.”  
  
“You would serve with them?” Thor sounded a bit surprised. “Natasha informed me about this as well.  You wished to do so but if it was at the coercion of Fury I will aid you resist it.”

“That means a lot to me, big guy but look, can we meet or not?”

  
“If you wish for that. I understand your desire to discuss for this in person.”  
  
“Thanks. Can you come over? I don’t think I can stand the sun right now or the subway ride back to the Tower.”   
  
“Yes. Where do you reside?”  
  
“Promise you won’t get lost?” He teased.

“Not if you steer me true!” Thor laughed. Clint told him. “I will see you within the hour.” He told him.   
  
“Great. See you soon.” He cleaned up in the time it took for Thor to come over. The apartment wasn’t really messy but it gave him something to do while he waited.  When Thor knocked he had just set another stack of dishes to wash in the dishwasher. 

He opened the door and greeted him. Thor hugged him enthusiastically. “My friend!” He said with a bit more restraint than people would have believed after meeting him. “How are you truly?”  
  
He let him go and they walked in. Thor looked at him with such genuine concern that he was unsure how to reply without lying for a moment. He smiled at him.

“I’m adjusting.” He replied carefully. “A lot of things have changed all of a sudden.” he told him. “It’s taking a while to realize that even though I’m living it.” Thor nodded.

“Now what is this about Steven and Phillip? You truly do wish to work with them?”  
  
“Yes. Thor I have to. Fury personally reinstated the Avengers Initiative and gave it his all to get us off the ground. The fact that it fell apart this quickly is kind of like a big I-Told-You-So by his detractors.”  
  
“He is your employer.” Thor pointed out. “He is demanding your compliance to work with the other two and so we may form a team again.”  
  
“Yes, in a way.” He agreed.

“Do you not disagree with that order?” Thor looked concerned.

“Well yes, but what would you do in the military man? I mean we got to work around our petty differences for the greater good.” Thor cocked his head and looked at him intently. “They are our jobs and I want to stay here. SHIELD does good work. I want to be a part of that.”   
  
“I understand. I am familiar with the military establishment and how it works. But I am also ruled by an honor system I am aware your people are more likely to mock rather than agree with it.  I do not understand why we must continue to affiliate with these two men.  We are not at war nor are there a lack of acceptable candidates that we may work with.”

Clint winced. “I know that but Fury personally chose us.  We became a team with our battles.  This isn’t starting at square one. You know that.” He looked at him seriously. “I’m not too happy to work with them, Thor. But our dynamic is the best suited for the dangers we have faced.

“You just don’t have another Captain America on the roster and I’m the best sniper they have for a reason.  You can get other snipers but none with a s good of vision as mine and many of them don’t even have half the acrobatics and flexibility training I have.”

“The same applies for Coulson I would assume?”  
  
“He’s the best of the best.” Clint replied with a strained grinned. “The only other two options are Sitwell and Hill.  Hill would eat us alive man and I trust Sitwell with my life but I don’t want to go out for drinks with him, much less karaoke night.” He replied.

“And it would please you for me to set aside my principles to work with them?”  
  
“I’m asking you to, if you would. Call it a favor.”   
  
“You need not beg of me this favor. You are my friend and I would respect your wishes. Have you spoken with Phillip and Steven of this? Are you certain that we can work with them without harm coming onto you or to ourselves for fear that they cannot act as is required of them?”  
  
“I talked to them, yeah.  I can tell you that Phil yes. Steve, I can’t say for sure.  I can’t say I know him too well like you.”  
  
“Do not disparage me.” Thor said thunderously.

“Whoa, I’m no sure how that came across but I don’t mean any harm. I meant to say that you guys hanged out more with him than I did. You live in the same Tower. I can’t guess what kinds of things you talked about eating dinner and such more often than we did our outings.”  Thor studied him.

“I understand. However I too doubt his character. A man that could hide such behavior does cast a cloud of doubt over all his actions.  I have questioned all our interactions and I cannot say that I do know him as you believe I do.” Thor told him.

 

“Okay. I understand that but can you promise me you won’t spite him? That you’ll try?” He asked him.   
  
“Yes. I do not wish to jeopardize your work Clinton but I do not agree with that either.”  
  
“I think I’d get a pay cut or something.” He grimaced. “I haven’t had a disciplinary action in a while and I don’t want to start again if I can. We’re on leave right now as it is.  Do you know what that means?”  
  
“I do.” Thor said.   
  
“Then you understand that they’re not taking this lightly. We’re their strike team and even when I’m not working with the Avengers, Phil, Natasha and I made up one of the best strike forces they have.  If we can’t work together, and we’re not out of commission, we just shat on any stand by plans they have in place for danger.” Thor nodded in understanding.

“I will speak with Fury.” Thor said simply but this eyes held a look that told Clint that he would talk about far more than agreeing to work with the others. “I am use to holding power over others, Clinton. It is my place to judge and decree as is my birthright but I cannot just stand by and agree with this passively. I will discuss this with Fury and attempt to formulate alternatives should our team fail despite our efforts.”  
  
Clint let out a breath. “That’s all I’m asking for but try not to get me fired, kay?”  
  
“You have my word.” Thor replied.  “However it will take much time for my confidence to be placed once again with Phillip and Steven despite their bravery in battle their moral character has proven their cowardice.”  
  
“You’re preaching to the choir. I’m not sure it will ever stop hurting. I know it will, or at least get better but right now I just want to get this over with and crawl into a bottle.”  
  
“Why do you not indulge yourself? I would watch over you. You have the time.”  
  
“No. My dad was an alcoholic. It’s usually hereditary.  I like to drink beer every once in a while but I don’t want to do that while I feel like shit. I don’t want it to be the first step in a spiral to nowhere.”

“A wise decision.” Thor agreed. “I cannot compare the wounds their dishonesty and dishonor have inflicted upon myself to yours but I cannot merely let this pass me. I will speak with Steven and Phillip once we are working together once again but I will wait, if for your sake.”  
  
“I’m hardly a damsel in distress.”

“I am aware. I am merely being, what would be the best word, considerate, yes considerate.”  
  
“Thanks.” Clint replied ruefully.

Thor smiled at him broadly. “I know we will return to this subject at a later time but for now let us converse over light matters. I have heard of your time with the others these past few days, I feel quite neglected. ” He said. “Will you rectify this with me?”  
  
“Only if you can agree to something quiet. I’m not kidding about my headache.” Thor nodded.

“I believe I can help with that, Clinton.” Clint held up a hand.

“No, Asgardian stuff dude. Just let it ride itself out. It’s just stress.” Thor nodded. They ate a late lunch together and caught up on the generalness of their lives. When Thor left he felt slightly better but the headache persisted. He called Natasha after he was done cleaning up.

“Yes?”  
  
“Are you busy?”  
  
“I have a moment.”

“I talked to Thor.”

“Everything okay?”  
  
“As well as it can be right now, but yeah. It looks like we’re going to be able to get this thing together before the week’s out. I have to talk to Bruce and Tony, then I plan on calling a team meeting.”  
  
“When?”   
  
“Tomorrow.”

“I’ll be there.”  
  
“Thanks.”  
  
“I have to go.”

“Okay.”   
  
“See you tonight?”  
  
“You got it.” She hung up. Clint starred and rubbed his temple.

He called Tony and Bruce. Tony was at a board meeting and couldn’t talk to him. Bruce was unable to answer and he left a voicemail. He didn’t receive a call for two hours. Bruce was apologetic. His phone’s battery had died without him realizing. 

Clint asked if he could speak with him. Bruce agreed but told him he was out of the city in Jersey City.  Clint debated waiting or just talking to him but the secrecy urged him to do it in person or somewhere secure. Bruce was travelling; it wasn’t safe to talk out loud. It might reach the wrong ears.

He was probably being too paranoid but he couldn’t help it. It was his job to stalk people and sometimes get information from simple actions. Who was to say they weren’t being watched? Despite his arrival into town being late Bruce agreed to meet him for a late dinner. Clint thanked him and took a nap to try in the hopes of finally ridding himself of the headache.

Bruce came back at eight in the evening. He called Clint before he got to his apartment. Clint had been awake for half an hour, feeling more relieved. He went out and picked up a quick dinner from a local Italian restaurant that he was sure Bruce would love.

When Bruce knocked at his door an incredulous look was on his face. “Nice place you have here.” He said.   
  
“Phil’s idea.” Clint shrugged. “Let’s eat first. Then we’ll talk. You have to be starving.”  
  
“A bit, yes.”  
  
“What were you doing in Jersey City?” He asked him. Bruce cleaned his glasses before looking at him as he sat at the table. He took a deep whiff of the food and smiled, looking quite happy with the smell.

“I was visiting an old friend. A friend I found from college. We found each other by accident a few weeks ago. We meant to catch up sooner but he had to leave the country for a consulting job.”  
  
“Military?”  
  
“No, he works for some sort of industrial consultant for paper manufacturers. He consults about technology and budgeting.” Clint nodded. “It was really refreshing to talk about someone who was sort of out of the loop when it came to the military.”  
  
“I can imagine.” Clint replied and listened as Bruce talked. When they finished, Bruce looked sated and content.   
  
“What do you want to talk about, Clint? Is it-?” He made a vague gesture with his hand.   
  
“Yes.” He looked at him intently.

“What do you need?” Clint took a deep breath and talked to him. The conversation was tense but Bruce was a smart guy who was used to working with less than ideal circumstances.  The conversation was surprisingly short.   
  
“I’ll have your back with whatever you decide, Clint.” Bruce said simply. “If you decide you don’t want to work with them than we’ll have a new team ready to go as quick as we can. The Avengers aren’t part of SHIELD and if I remember right, Phil can ask for reassignment.”  Clint nodded feeling grateful. It was good to see the guys had his back but the real moment of truth would come tomorrow when he met with them and Steve and Phil. Bruce promised he’d be there and left.

Tony didn’t return his call until the next morning. Clint was expecting that and answered quickly.  Much like Bruce, Tony agreed to his terms. Though his conversation turned more business like for Clint’s liking. He often forgot Tony was a businessman at the end of the day rather than just Iron Man. Tony cancelled a telephonic conference when he learned about Clint’s meeting. He promised he’d be there.

Finally he called Steve and Phil.   
  
With all his ducks in a row, Clint hoped it didn’t all go to hell despite it all. 


	10. All That We Have

Clint woke up with an unfamiliar trepidation. He walked to the living room and scanned the room. There was nothing in the apartment that hadn’t been there yesterday, there were no signs of Phil nor had anyone else entered. 

He made breakfast, ate, and got dressed after a hot shower. He had a few hours before the meeting at the Tower with the others. He sat in the ugly chair and watched television. He flipped through the channels and cleaned out the DVR. 

He walked over to the Tower and couldn’t decide if moving there would be a good idea or a stupid one. All the Avengers together made it more convenient to assemble into action but it also made them easier targets. He knew the pros and cons, he had weighed them before with Phil. 

A bitter smile crossed his face; maybe this could have been avoided if he had lived at the Tower. The others would have known and Phil wouldn’t have had an excuse to stay over at Steve’s. Or maybe Phil would have just flat out broken up with him. Or maybe they would have started a happy threesome, and everyone would join them every Wednesday in a huge team orgy. 

The walk passed quickly, he dodged pedestrians and a group of runners more determined to finish up before lunch hour came to a full grind and the streets filled up with civilians in search of food. He wondered if he should pick up some Thai for dinner with Natasha. 

He entered the Tower and headed towards the boardroom they had agreed to meet in. He was the first one there. He sat to where he could see the door. He checked his phone; it was still early. 

He played a quick game of Angry Birds, stopping when he heard someone approach the room. It couldn’t be Natasha then. He watched Steve entered and froze. For a moment they stared at each other in uncomfortable silence. Steve only moved when Phil bumped into him from behind. 

With nary a stumble Steve sat opposite of him. Phil sat across from him as well, but a seat apart from Steve. Phil gave him a polite smile. Clint nodded in acknowledgement. It was awful. 

Clint didn’t know whether to say something or go back to his phone. Phil was tapping his fingers against his thigh, a sign he was just as nervous. Steve just watched him. Thankfully Natasha entered not even five minutes after. She sat next to him. 

She said nothing. The others arrived in a group; Thor glowered upon entering. Bruce just kept his “Who me?” persona on and kept quietly talking with Tony about some project they were working on. Tony Stark was Tony Stark. 

“Right. So we need to get the Avengers together again.” Tony began after no one made a move to begin. Phil had started to move but seemed to think it wise to wait. “Clint? You want to get something off your chest?”

“No. I just want to get this over with.” He replied. “We all know why we’re here. We need to get the ball back on course with our team. I know it sucks but perfect, but it’s all we have to work with.”

“We need the Avengers operable.” Phil summed up. He took a deep breath. “I’m willing to resign from my post, if that is what you will decide.” Steve looked over to him surprised. 

“You’re leaving?” 

“If necessary, just the Initiative. I’ll still be here.” Phil replied. “The Director and I had some words regarding the situation last night.”

“When?” Steve demanded. 

“When you went for a run.” Phil replied. “It was one of the better options we came upon.”

“I agree.” Natasha said. “We need Captain America, the Hulk, Thor and Iron Man to be able to work together. If Clint and I not able to work with the situation we could be replaced, the rest of you could not.” 

“We’re not getting rid of Hawkeye.” Bruce said. “We need him, yes but it has more to do than that.”

“Trust.” Thor said. “We believed our bond as a team to be based upon it. Even after battle, we worked together, lived together. I believed us to be close but to be faced with such deceit; it is difficult to cast such notions aside.”

“Yeah, what he said.” Tony said. 

Thor glared at Tony before continuing. “But I understand this sentiment that drives us toward the goal of consolidation. I will cast aside my doubts for Clinton’s sake, for he is who was most wronged. To act against it is arrogance. So yes, I will work with Steven and even you, Phillip.” 

“Do you mean that though?” Steve asked after a moment. “Words are well and fine but action, the acts of a man define his character. None of you trust me. How do I know you’ll have my six when it matters?”

“What else do you want, Rogers?” Tony broke in. “We can’t exactly go to Disney World and stick a band aid on it. You want to go camping or have one of those stupid team building exercises HR sometimes suggests?”

“Tony.” Bruce said and Tony just sat back down, glowering at the two men seated opposite of them all. 

“If we have to and pretend it worked, then we will.” Clint broke in. “If we have to go through that stupid catching exercises a hundred times we’ll do it.” He hoped his tone was clear, he was not budging on his decision to work with the others. 

“And honestly, Rogers, I didn’t put an arrow through you before, do you really think I’ll do it in the future? Or let someone get the better of you?”

“An arrow would be rather suspicious.” Natasha said at his veiled threat. 

“You never miss.” Phil added. A brief smile passed between them, a sign of old times when the three of them would at times go off in weeks long missions without any further back up. The same could be said about others; about the times he spent with Sitwell and May; Stevens and so forth. 

“That hardly makes me feel better.” Steve broke in, attempting to continue the humor but the joke fell flat at the timber of his voice. Clint broke eye contact with Phil and turned to Steve. The man looked tense under the strain of them all. This was not the collected Captain America; no, this was pure unadulterated Steve Rogers.

Steve glanced at him but couldn’t seem to meet his eyes. The man was glancing all around the room. At them all. Phil reached out and laid his hand on his arm. Steve didn’t flinch but he twitched in a very peculiar way, as if he didn’t know whether to find the touch comforting or unpleasant. 

Perhaps it was the idea of their intimacy in the open after being in the dark for so long. Phil was never one for PDA after all. Those brief moments, when he and Clint had been together, had been cherished, a sign of their connection. Now he saw the same act on another and the memories were now simply bitter. 

“I’m pretty sure we can all agree we’re not going to let someone shoot you or tell you a building is about to fall on you two seconds too late.” Tony interrupted. “I mean, I don’t want you dead. I just don’t like seeing either of you right now. 

“And as much as I would love to kick you out and slander you in the press, I’m not that much of a dick.” He snorted. “I’d be a super villain and billions poorer if I were.”

“And Pepper wouldn’t like it.” Bruce said. 

“And Pepper wouldn’t like it.” Tony agreed as he turned a withering glare onto Phil. “First the cellist and now Clint, she’s not really happy with you, _Phil_.” Phil didn’t say anything but simply stared back blandly. “Agent face. Cat got your tongue?”

“Boys!” Natasha snapped. “If we could get back to the point.” 

“Right. Sorry. What Thor said, I’m game.” 

“I said no such thing.” Thor said. “Though it does echo the sentiment, I believe.” 

“What I said.” Thor snorted and Bruce gave an amused huff, though his face was hardly relaxed. “What about you big guy?”

“I’m fine. It’s not really me though, is it? Hulk is the one you have to worry about and I don’t think he’d be happy to learn that the team he left behind has changed. He has worst trust issues than me.” 

“Yeah, we better tell him first then we can figure that out.” Tony said with a wince. 

“I’m more than capable of working with both of you.” Natasha said after Tony had trailed off. “So, we’ve come to the conclusion that we can work with Rogers as a whole. What about Coulson?” 

Phil simply looked on as the weight of all their gazes fell upon him. 

Clint cleared his throat. “I think we should break for lunch then pick up again. We’re all kind of agitated. I want us to have a more level head before we decided to kick Coulson off the Initiative.” 

“I appreciate the consideration.” Phil said simply. 

“He’s right. I need to get my head back on straight.” Steve replied. “Thank you, Clint.” He said awkwardly. Clint nodded and rose. “I say we come back in an hour?”

“Hour and half.” Tony said. “I have to make a business call, I want time to actually eat.” Tony said, all businessman now, no bullshit taker. 

The others slowly rose and started exiting the room. No one glanced at Steve or Phil as they left. He could hear a low murmur coming from the two as they talked in low tones. Steve did not look happy and from the furrow of Phil's brow the sentiment was returned. 

 

Clint left the room. He saw Natasha waiting for him at the end of the hallway. She started walking as he reached her. The were quiet for a moment. 

 

"Do you want to talk?" She asked him. 

 

"No, I've done enough of that." He said. 

 

"What do you want to eat?" 

 

"Food." She raised a brow. "Chinese?" 

 

“Sure.” 

 

They walked to a nearby restaurant. The place was packed but the food came out quickly and the two decided to eat there rather than return to the Tower. They sat in amenable silence, eating at a leisurely pace. 

Clint was halfway through his order when his phone rang. He glanced at the screen. He quickly swallowed and answered. 

 

“Sir?” 

“Barton, how are things going?” Fury asked. 

 

“Well sir.” He answered. He mouthed ‘Fury’ at Natasha once she glanced at him with an inquiring look.

 

“Good. I’m not expecting miracles, Barton. Get the Avengers in working order or the start to it and I’ll make sure all of this is forgotten. Got it?”

“Yes, sir.” 

“If you can’t work with them, or Romanov, let me know. Don’t bullshit this. If you or Coulson even think you won’t be able to then back out. I want a working team, not one that will get themselves and others killed. Same MO as our missions. Are we understood?”

“Sir.” 

“Good. Have a good lunch. And Barton? I don’t play favorites. You leave SHIELD or the Initiative and you won’t face a demotion or black listing.”

“Thank you, sir.”

 

“What did he say?”

“To be honest and get the everything back on track and that at the end of the day he’s our friend.” 

“Don’t make me kick your ass during our next training session.”

“Kinky.”

“You wish.”

“Basically to stay professional and that whatever the outcome, he’ll stay professional. No hard feelings for leaving, basically.” 

“The job?”

“Either.” 

“Do you believe him?”

“Fury lies, but I have to. What else can I do?”

“Secrets find their way out.”

“Only if someone spills.” He glanced at her seriously. “What do you say about Phil?”

“I’ll work with him. I won’t kill him, harm him, or endager him. The same with Steve.” She murmured lowly. He nodded. He finished the rest of his food. Natasha finished after a few more minutes. 

They still had a little over half an hour left in lunch. They walked back to the Tower and went to Natasha’s apartments. The main lobby of the building was buzzing with life, hardly anyone glanced in their direction. 

When the reached her floor they entered it and sat in the living room. They watched TV for the rest of the hour. Natasha stayed silent for the first ten minutes before she asked:

“Do you want to stay?”

“Yeah.” 

And nothing else was said between them. 

When they went back to the room they were the last two there. 

“Right. Back on topic: Coulson? I say we just vote on it. Those who can work with him raise your hands.” Tony said. 

For a moment no one moved. Steve offered a nervous laugh. “I do.” Steve said and Clint caught how Phil relaxed, even as minute as it were. The tension between them must have been bad then. Steve was not dealing as well as he wanted to. 

“You know my vote.” Clint said. Natasha nodded in assent with him. 

Clint felt the rest of the meeting pass in a blur. The finality of their decision settled with him. It was over, and while the team was back together it really was the start of the end, the start of a new beginning. 

It was life and he could only start with one foot forward, he hoped.


	11. All Good Things Must

Fury met with him and Phil at the end of the leave. He said nothing as he paced the room for the first few minutes. Fury stopped by his window, looked out for a moment, and then turned to them. They were silent. 

“So?” 

“Everything’s back in working order, sir.” Clint replied. 

“Coulson?”

“As Hawkeye, stated. Working order, sir.” 

“Good.” He eyed them for a moment. “You aren’t bullshitting with me, are you?”

“No.” They replied together. Fury nodded.

“Is Rogers’ staying as leader of the Avengers?” He asked. 

“No.” Couslon replied. “Stark has offered to take up that position, Thor is second in command behind Stark. Romanov and Barton remain in their same positions.” 

Clint nodded after he had ended. “We have also agreed that working with Agent Coulson, while difficult, is possible in a professional context sir.”

“You have a meeting with H.R. and Psych, standard treatment with any two agents who have been involved in a turbulent personal relationship with each other. Leave Rogers out of it in the reports. I expect for you to be there. You’re dismissed.” 

They left the office. They passed Hill and Sitwell in the hallway. The two agents glanced at them but didn’t ask to the reason for their presence in Fury’s office. The usual answer to those questions between agents tended to be in the range of single worded answers such as ‘classified’. 

They walked toward Phil’s office and entered. Phil sat on his desk, the wood digging into his legs uncomfortably. Clint closed the door behind him and leaned against the door. 

“This is it then.” Phil said. “It’s over.” 

“It is. How are you two?”

“Fine. We’ve been better.” Clint didn’t know if Phil meant it with him or Steve, possibly both. “We’re moving out of the Tower.”

“Where are you two going to live?”

“Some place close, we’ve never really stayed together like that. This change has made me realize a lot of things. I was still half living with you when I wasn’t really there.” 

“You’re finally getting used to each other then.” He cleared his throat. “Have you found the lease? I need to know when I could move out.”

“Yes, I have everything for you.” he stood and walked over to his desk drawers, opened the bottom drawer and came out with a thin folder. “Lease, utilities, tax returns, whatever you could need.”

Clint took the file with a firm grasp and nodded. “Thanks. Er, do I owe taxes?” 

“No, they’ve been paid if you had.” He said. “We have to close our joint accounts and a few other items.”

“We can do that later.” Clint said. “Thanks for the file.” He said. “I have to get back to train. I have a session with Ward, in a few.” Coulson smirked. 

“Give them one two.” 

“Roger.” Clint turned and left. He closed the door behind him as he exited. 

The beginning of another day, the next one would come, and the next and the next. He wouldn’t be with there with Phil but the others would. He smirked as he entered the training room. The recruits and agents who had been chatting before immediately went silent. Clint looked over at the firing instructor and nodded at him.

It was good to be back. 

Three months after the meeting in Phil’s office Clint moved out of the apartment. He let Phil know so he could stop the utilities. He had thought about moving into his a new apartment but he practical part of him steered him toward the Tower. There were more advantages to sticking close to home at a time of need than not. 

Tony let him choose from a few floors or apartments. He moved into the floor below Bruce, in a single unit out of four. He couldn’t comfortably live in an entire floor. The majority of his belongings fit, he got rid of the dining room table but kept the ugly sofa. 

He found the rings again during packing; he sold them and made sure not to tell Phil about it. There was no reason to. Natasha didn’t know about the rings. Nevertheless she kept him distracted when the change of mood hit him unexpectedly after the sale. 

On their last Avenger call, Clint moved from long-range combat to join the others up close. They were shorthanded with Thor on Asgard doing his princely duties. He moved from his usual position on perches up high and met the others in close quarters combat below. He joined Natasha as she took out another Hydra agent. 

He caught sight of Steve’s shield in the distance. Iron Man streaked overhead, taking out the others in overhead missiles aimed at them and the incoming agents. He used his bow and arrows as quickly as he could that quickly, eventually switching to his side arm. 

Time passed quickly and Clint kept track of the battle as skirmish drew to a close. Hulk roared in the distance. He heard the voices of Hill and Coulson over the com, directing them toward their end game. He moved east to cover Natasha as she took out the final security protocol. 

He met up with Captain America. He flipped to position to cover Rogers when he saw the man freeze. His arm was poised, ready to throw the shield at in coming agents but his face was frozen between surprise and anger. 

“Rogers! Rogers!” Hill yelled over the come. “What are you doing? Move!” 

Steve threw the shield. Clint wasn’t sure if at him or the men behind him. He dodged the shield, it took out two of the final agents behind him but Clint could have taken them out. The shield returned to Rogers and Steve moved aimed in again, this time he aimed it at to incoming hostiles instead of at him. 

When the skirmish drew to its end an hour later, he was beyond exhausted and moved to the carrier. The com had fallen silent. He met up with the others on the way back. Tony looked worse for wear but aside from a bruise on his cheek, looked fine. Bruce was exhausted and sitting onboard the craft. 

When they entered he could hear Hill yelling, her voice firm and as gentle as a drill sergeant’s. Clint frowned and moved forward. She was berating Steve. The man stood in front of her, expression fixed and unmoving. 

When she saw them enter she stopped and ordered him to see her after they landed and he cleared medical. Clint glanced at Phil, who shook his head at them. Steve sat down and said nothing on their way back. Even if he had been in the mood for conversation the exhaustion and the loud reverberation from the engines would have made it cumbersome.

He closed his eyes and dozed on the way back to HQ. He woke up when the plan landed. Steve practically leapt out of the plan before it even finished landing, followed by the others at a much slower pace. Bruce was able to move on his own by then. 

He cleared medical, cleaned and collapsed in a bunk for the rest of the night. He dreamt of the ugly twisted snarl that had been on Rogers’ face during the battle and failing to dodge the incoming shield, imagining it bounce back at him. 

He reported for the debriefing set for noon after a hearty breakfast and early lunch. He found the others there with the exception of Rogers. Coulson, Phil, was sitting at one end of the conference call with an almost unperceivable furrow of his brow. Hill was heading the debriefing. 

After he sat down he expected to wait until Rogers arrived but Hill closed the door began as if nothing was amiss. At the end of the meeting Hill turned to Coulson, who nodded and rose. He faced the team with a strained smile and said:

“Captain Rogers has been placed on indefinite leave as of yesterday.”

“Why?” Tony asked. 

“Captain Rogers has admitted to deliberately targeting Hakweye in yesterday’s mission. He has voluntarily agreed to the leave of absence pending further review.” 

“When did this happen?” Tony asked surprised. Bruce and Natasha shrugged unsure. 

“When I joined him towards the end.” Clint said. 

“What does that mean exactly then, for us?” Bruce asked. 

“Until it’s determined that Captain Rogers is not a further danger to himself or others the team will work without him.”

A moment of silence pass through the group at the news. Two men down, with Thor in Asgard. 

“It’s me.” Clint said after a moment. “He can’t work with me.” he looked at Natasha. “We need him, he’s one of our heavy hitters. I can go off the team, temporarily or until he’s able to work with me.” 

He put up his hand to stop the others from protesting. “I’m not going off permanently but if another situation like yesterday comes up we’re going to need him or we could lose good people. I’m not willing to take that risk.”

“I’m asking the director then for reassignment.”

“Are you absolutely certain, Barton?” Hill asked him. 

“Yes ma’am.” 

“I’ll forward your request then. Dismissed.” She said. 

He nodded at the others. 

“See you in a few.” He told them as they came out. 

Reassignment. After yesterday, Clint thought, it could be just the thing they would need.


	12. Come To An End

The sun sat behind a skyscraper and thick set of clouds. It felt uncomfortably warm being cold weather for so long. He pulled at his sleeves and kept walking along Fifth Avenue toward Union Square. Natasha wanted to hit up the farmer’s market.

He stopped when he saw Phil in the distance, glancing absentmindedly at the window displays. He looked good. Clint hoped he wouldn’t have to pass him in an awkward exchange and reunion after four months abroad. 

Phil entered the shop apparently having seen something he liked. Clint crossed the distance quickly hoping Phil didn’t spot him as he did so. He didn’t receive a startled call nor did any one follow him, his phone didn’t receive any errant texts. 

He made a quick foray onto Broadway as Natasha texted him to meet him in front of Forbidden Planet. She was dressed in dark jeans and a pale blouse that made her dark red hair stand out even further. She received more than a few glances, which she ignored with practiced ease. 

“Finally. You took forever.” She complained, her accent imitating a local’s. Clint gave her an odd look. She smiled and laughed. “Missed me?” She asked in her usual English accent. 

“Yeah.” He replied honestly. “Undercover sucks.” He said quietly. She nodded. “And sorry for taking too long, I saw Phil and kind of froze.”

She glanced at him. “Did you talk to him?”

“No. I don’t want to do that today.” she nodded her understanding. 

“Want to hit the Strand first before we go to the farmer’s market?”

“Of course.” He said. “You speak to Phil or Rogers recently?”

“Yes. Steve’s doing better.”

“That’s good.”

“He needed help, Clint.”

“I meant what I said. It’s good. He and I might never be friends again but he needed help, maybe he even needed Phil more than I did and if things had been different then maybe- I’m just glad he’s getting better.” They were silent for a moment. “How’s Coulson doing?”

“He’s going to head a new team. “

“Fury gave him that? When did that happen?” 

“It’s still on the works.” Natasha replied. “There was a lot of negotiation involved and, well, rumor has it that if Phil messes this up it’ll be the end for him at SHIELD and he’ll find himself black listed across the block.”

“Damn.” He bit his lip. “I take there wasn’t anyone else qualified enough for the mission.” 

“And SHIELD needed someone it trusted. What happened with you and Steve wasn’t ideal but Coulson’s career is otherwise spotless. None of his other subordinates have reported any inappropriate behavior. Coulson wasn’t breaking any rules with you.”

“Yeah.” Clint said and he looked at the row of books in front of him.

Coulson, Phil had spent a year trying to convince him to give them a shot. It had been the most romantic time of Clint’s life and when he said yes finally Phil had looked so happy he thought he had done the right thing by it. He realized he didn’t feel the extreme pang of sadness that had lingered when it had first started. He almost laughed at the bittersweet realization that he was moving on. 

“How’s the team?” He decided it was safer changing subjects. He was tired of dwelling of the subjects, of the what-ifs and could-have-been, the doubts.

“Pepper and Tony are engaged.” she said quietly. “It’s a secret right now but they’re…I can only describe Pepper as glowing.”

“Normal glowing or you know.” He made a vague gesture with his hands.

“Normal.” 

“Bruce and Thor?”

“The greatest bromance that ever existed.” She deadpanned. 

“What?” Because with his life that was a startling possibility. 

“Okay not a bromance but Thor and Bruce have been together a lot recently. They’re bonding over stories of travel and good food. Thor’s also surprising well versed in science, Bruce found a way to translate what Thor’s saying to human terms but it takes a bit of effort.”

“What are they building?”

“Nothing.” She told him. “Nothing dangerous at least. Right now I think they’re just discussing theory and terminology.” 

“I have to see that.”

“You’re not missing out on anything.” Natasha told him seriously. “It’s very dry and boring.”

“Really? I can’t see that; I mean, Thor’s uh dramatic and Bruce’s…he’s a troll, sometimes between the bouts of green rage monster and mild scientist.” He whispered. 

“I know but it’s more boring than Pepper and Tony’s wedding preparations.” Natasha replied. “You’d be hard pressed to not fall asleep.”

“Hey if I could sit by and watch one man’s three day one-man show I can do anything.” Natasha snorted in amusement. He looked at her. 

“I recall your snores.” He smiled at her. 

“It was better at a distance.” She shook her head and kept looking at the row of books in front of her. They spent the rest of the day looking around shops and watching a movie. They didn’t run into Phil or Steve, even if chances were slim that he’d run into him again so soon. 

The following day he walked to the Tower and met the rest of the team in a long awaited dinner. He saw the ring on Pepper’s finger and congratulated her. She smiled at him happily. Natasha was right; she could only be described as glowing. 

Tony was naturally glowing with his arc reactor and he wondered if he would have a motif at his wedding with Iron Man gold and red. He doubted Pepper argue it; the man had his ways and his billions. 

Thor welcomed him with a mighty hug. Bruce just smiled at him politely and made small talk. The evening passed quickly and when Clint went back to his apartment in the morning he had completely forgotten about seeing Phil earlier that day. 

Clint had a week of leave, when he woke up his first thought was to clean his apartment. It had been maintained by a cleaning staff specially hired by SHIELD but Clint couldn’t help but think his apartment was a bit too stuffy and the staff was just meant to keep the place from going to hell, not pass the white glove test. 

So he passed the first day cleaning. By the time evening came around Clint was satisfied he had gotten most of the apartment in good condition. He checked his phone, no messages. He went to bed thinking about restocking his refrigerator and the movie he promised Bruce he’d see. 

He had no plans for the week aside from relaxing so he was quite surprised when the doorbell rang. Clint rose and answered. It was Steve. 

Clint froze then nodded at him. Steve smiled at him, a strained smiled but there was a sense of calm around the younger man. Clint gave a strained smile back. 

“Steve.”

“Clint. Can I talk to you?” He asked. 

“Yeah, come on in.” Steve entered and waited in the entrance. Clint gestured that he follow him. They went to the kitchen and sat down at the table. Steve fidgeted. 

“I want to apologize for my behavior, in the field. It was, I can’t explain it. I was just so angry and you were there. I thought I could work with you and it worked when you watched our backs up from high. Then when I saw you there next to me…I know I don’t really have an excuse but I’m just sorry, for everything.”

“It’s fine, Rogers. Look I know you were dealt a heavy hand. The fact that you were able to work coming here today shows your doing better.” He cleared his throat. “I hope Phil and you are doing okay.” Steve looked at him sadly. 

“We’re done.”

“What?”

“I, I broke up with him.” He smiled. “I wasn’t fair and neither of us were ready to deal with each other. I think we just liked the idea and let it get too far. Maybe at another time but now, then wasn’t the best one.”

“He made you happy.” That was true. 

“No. Yes. It was just for the best that we ended it.” He cleared his throat again. “I’m living in Brooklyn again. That’s actually part of the reason I came over here to see you. I want to move back into the Tower, try and be part of the team.”

“For real this time?”

“Yeah. I thought I should ask you first thought. The others and I are better but it’s not great.”

“I need to think about it.”

“That’s all I ask for. Barton, Clint – I’m just sorry.” Clint nodded. “I guess I better go then. It’s good to have you back.”

Clint watched him leave and closed the door. He turned around and went to watch television.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [From a Distance](https://archiveofourown.org/works/664996) by [VolceVoice](https://archiveofourown.org/users/VolceVoice/pseuds/VolceVoice)




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